Find Me Here
by Permanent Rose
Summary: Happily ever after didn't exactly work out as planned. 30 years, two kids, and a failed marriage later, unforeseen circumstances force Jane and Maura back into each other's lives, and they begin to consider all they've lost.
1. And now I cling to what I knew

_A/N: This is an idea that just wouldn't leave me alone. I know divorce fics are hardly a desirable topic, but I was curious to explore a future for these two ladies that didn't end up in rainbow and butterflies. Also, I thought it could be fun to explore their kids in a more grown up stage of their lives than we usually see in fics._

_Just as a reference before you read, Maura and Jane are both 65ish. Their kids, Jenna and Cody, are 27 and 21. There will be flashback scenes in later chapters, so you'll see how Jane and Maura reached this point in their lives (and it won't be exclusively old lady Jane and Maura you see in this fic). I hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

Jenna Rizzoli-Isles did not often raise her voice. She never had the need to, having been blessed with the same fierce intensity as Jane Rizzoli. She might have looked like her other mother, with her hazel eyes and honey-colored hair, but these features were deceivingly gentle, as she held herself in a dominating and aggressive manner. She hardly had to fight to get what she wanted – she was the sort of person who could accomplish what she needed to by her tone of voice, by the intensity of her gaze, or (much to Jane's chagrin) her God-given looks coupled with an awareness of just how to use that gift.

Today was an exception, as the florist had arrived forty-five minutes late, two hundred roses short. "Fix it," Jenna had hissed, her eyes frighteningly dark.

The florist had recoiled slightly, but only offered Jenna an apologetic shrug. It was exactly the reaction that undid the well-collected woman, uncoiling the tightly compressed springs that had been held at bay during the hectic morning. Anger could hardly solve her predicament, but the outburst bubbled in her throat, quickly frothing over.

She had become quite the mix of her two mothers, high-strung and competitive, restless if not kept busy, always ready with a sarcastic comeback. She had impeccable poise and organization as well, doubled with a penchant for fashion and taste for the finer commodities of life.

An event planner had proven to be the perfect job, challenging and demanding, while also allowing her to hone in on her refined taste. She had wanted nothing to do with the law enforcement profession after too many long afternoons spent cooped up in the Boston Police Department café. And she had seen one too many graphic photos of stab wounds and stomach contents pinned up to the fridge, as neither of her mothers could seem to keep home life and work life separate, and Jenna had nixed the medical field from her list of desirable career options as well. Regarding her choice in career, all she shared with her mothers was her dedication to the job. She had quickly made a name for herself, becoming one of the most desired wedding planners in the Chicago area.

Her throat ached by the time she was done with the florist, eventually shooing him away in aggravation. Without a solution, he was no longer of any use to her. Jenna inhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose, letting her breath escape in short huffs. At least the outdoor venue provided her with fresh air. She had improvised her way through much worse, she reminded herself. And failure was never an option – one of the joys of growing up in an incredibly driven household.

"Jenna?"

The voice startled her. Her eyes snapped open, her shoulders rolling in aggravation as her intern, Clara, shuffled into view. Clara was small and squirrely, lacking confidence and predisposed to error, and Jenna was aware that she didn't help with that, though she hardly had time to care at the moment. "_What_?" Jenna undeservingly snapped.

"I-I'm sorry," Clara apologized, looking flushed and timid. She could never seem to grow accustomed to Jenna's formidable presence. "It's just that your phone has been going off like crazy for the past ten minutes. I thought, you know, it might be important…"

"I swear to God, it's Matt…" Jenna muttered crossly. He knew better than to bother her during an event. She held out her hand, accepting her vibrating mobile device. "Unknown caller," she muttered, deliberating for a fraction of a second, before swiping her thumb across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hello," answered an unfamiliar male voice. "This is Massachusetts General Hospital. Am I speaking to Jenna?"

The color drained from her face. "This is she."

"I'm sorry to inform you of this, but there has been an accident, and you've been listed as your mother's emergency contact."

Jenna licked her lips, waving Clara away and walking toward the edge of the pavilion. "Which one?"

XXX

Though Jenna had been the first to hear about the accident, and subsequently the one to inform the rest of her family, she was the last to arrive at the hospital, blazer swooped over her left arm, perspiration seeping into the underarms of her satin blouse.

She had been lucky enough to catch an immediate flight, leaving the wedding in the hands of Carlos, the most competent of her planners (though this development still left her far from pleased). She pressed her Louis Vuitton tote up against her side, a dull ache in her feet as her heels clicked against the newly waxed linoleum floor. She had packed lightly, due to limited time and vain hope that perhaps this all was not as grim as it seemed to be. She located the waiting room easily, finding it full of Rizzolis.

Cody slouched back in the waiting room chair, his large frame practically engulfing the seat, looking more like an oversized teenager than the adult he seemed to have quite suddenly become. His face was sullen, his movements agitated as tapped his foot against the floor. His headphones were jammed into his ears, and Jenna could hear the faint hum of his music even from her distance a few feet away. Angela, despite her bad hip, paced in discontent. She held a rosary in her hands, the beads clanging against each other as Angela wrung her hands together, worry lines evidently creasing her face.

"Jenna." It was her Uncle Frankie who rose to greet her, swooping her into a tight embrace. For a moment, she felt very small, and she was startled by the influx of tears that itched in her throat.

"How is she?" Jenna's voice was feebler than she expected.

"Still in surgery." Frankie's tone was morose.

Jenna placed her tote next to her brother, slumping down in an un-lady like manner. "Do you know exactly what happened?"

"How much did the doctors tell you over the phone?" Frankie took the seat opposite of her, leaning his elbows against his knees.

"Motorcycle accident – I didn't even know she owned a motorcycle." Jenna's tone was half-annoyed, though she immediately felt guilty.

"A recent purchase," Frankie informed her, and she felt a little better to see that he didn't seem at all amused by this either. "She bought it secondhand and has been working to fix it up in her free time - only God knows why. Unfortunately, it looks like her first ride is also going to her last…"

Angela's head snapped up, her eyes sharp. "Don't you start talking like that."

"Geez, Ma, I only meant that her bike was busted up pretty bad," Frankie defended. "I'm sure Jane Rizzoli will live to see another day."

Angela huffed lightly. "And when she does, she'd better not try to pull a stunt like this again. A motorcycle at her age!" She shook her head indignantly before resuming her pacing.

They were silent again.

"How long until we hear something?" Jenna finally spoke.

"They aren't really sure how long it's gonna be," Frankie replied. "She wasn't conscious when they brought her in, and her leg was crushed pretty bad….and, well, they weren't sure how damaged her spine might be…" His voice cracked as he finished.

Angela closed her eyes, gripping her rosary tighter. Cody burrowed deeper into his chair.

Jenna swallowed. "So, uh, no Uncle Tommy?" A change of topic seemed to be in their best interest.

Frankie answered yet again, looking relieved as the tension eased ever so slightly. "He was here earlier, actually. But no one's been able to get ahold of your mom, so he decided to stop by her place."

Jenna's eyes shot up in surprise. "You really think Mom is going to want to be here?"

Frankie shrugged. It was difficult to know where either of them stood these days, especially regarding each other. They had both become rather aloof, and when they did mingle with the rest of the family, it wasn't really a topic anyone was eager to converse about. "She deserves to just know at least. I mean, they were married for twenty-five years after all…"

It was a fair enough assessment, and with Jenna back in town and Cody home from school, it seemed inevitable that Maura would find out, regardless. Jenna was just having difficulty imagining exactly how Maura would process the news. With a sigh, Jenna leaned back in her seat, pulling out her phone, which she had not had a chance to turn on since her flight had landed. As soon as the screen flickered on, she was assaulted by a myriad of messages and missed calls. Her head pulsed as she scrolled through the list, making her feel a little dizzy, and in an uncustomary manner, Jenna tossed her phone back into her bag.

She turned to her brother instead. "So you've been quiet, kid," Jenna slapped Cody's knee, startling her brother.

He sat up straighter, running a hand through his dark, curly hair. When he gained composure, he shrugged crossly, though he pried a headphone from his ear, addressing his sister. "Your hair looks awful."

"What?" Jenna was too surprised to reply with a biting remark, bringing her hand up to her recently acquired bob. "It's just more manageable." She spoke in her defense.

Cody shrugged again. "I liked it better long."

Jenna pursed her lips, about to make a comment about his unruly mop, when a nurse appeared into view, approaching the family.

Angela stopped pacing, the rosary wavering slightly in her unsteady grip. Cody yanked his other headphone out of his ear, leaning forward in her seat. Frankie and Jenna rose simultaneously. Frankie planted himself beside his mother dutifully, clasping a hand over her shoulder in reassurance.

But Jenna took a step forward, her eyes demanding, trying to read the nurse's impossibly stoic face.

"She's out of surgery."

* * *

_A/N: I promise both Jane and Maura will be a part of this, despite them not really showing up in this first chapter ;) Also, some__ feedback on this idea would be great. Thanks so much for reading :)_


	2. All that's left is the ghost of you

Tommy drove the familiar route to Beacon Hill, though it had been quite a while since he had made the trip. No one had particularly taken sides in the divorce – blood relation gave Jane no favor during the whole ordeal, and Maura had become much too loved for the family to even dream of cutting off ties with her. If anything, the Rizzolis had sided equally _against_ the two women, their divorce easily the most devastating and frustrating occurrence to strike the family in recent years.

Tommy, however, had always had an underlying fondness for Maura, which extended much beyond his initial attraction her. Perhaps it was Jane's tendency to treat him like an irresponsible child, a tone of annoyance in her voice every time she addressed him, while Maura had taken notice of his underlying intelligence, always taking time to strike up meaningful conversations with him.

Upon his arrival, he rang the doorbell twice, with no avail. As a final resort, he reached for the knob. He jiggled it, and upon finding the door open, he entered without hesitation. The house looked the same as it always had – immaculate and ornately furnished, filled with pieces of odd, contemporary artwork. However, her home now lacked the homey feeling Jane had brought to it, often leaving her holster on the front table, or her shoes poking out from beneath the coffee table. The changes were subtle, but they left Tommy feeling somewhat melancholy.

"Maura?" he called into the silence.

No answer. He stepped into the kitchen, which held no sign of Maura – or even any recent usage. He heard a faint rustling from behind the counter, and as he took a step to examine the source of the noise, he noticed a small head poking out from around the island corner.

"Oh, hey Bass," he muttered, watching the ancient tortoise peek out from beneath his shell.

He tried again, "Maura!" Perhaps she wasn't home, though it didn't seem likely that she would have forgotten to lock the door. Maura may have become distant, with a tendency to consume herself intensely in her tasks, but she was far from scattered-brained or negligent.

Tommy ventured toward the back hall, which housed the bedrooms. Sure enough, he found the guest bedroom door ajar, the faint sound of furious typing escaping from sliver opening. He knocked lightly, again with no response, so he took the liberty of nudging the door open.

He took a step back, the unfamiliarity of the room assaulting him. She had apparently converted the bedroom into some sort of workspace; the walls were lined with sheets of paper, all covered in rows of complex data. She had set up three laptops at various stations in the room, one at which she occupied, standing in front in the screen in an agitated manner. She was bent over the keyboard, her brow creased in rigorous concentration, muttering unintelligibly under her breath.

Maura had stopped working at the Boston Police Department over a decade ago now. And old friend from BCU had offered her a position in a groundbreaking research project, something involving stem cells and cancer– Tommy had never paid attention enough to understand exactly what it was that Maura had so vigorously delved herself into. He could only link this project to the noticeable decline of her and Jane's marriage, as it added tension and distance to their relationship, which neither of them had been quite equipped to handle after years and years of comfortable routine.

Tommy could only assume that the conversion of the guest bedroom into a laboratory was linked to this research, or at least something related. And, from the looks of it, retirement did not seem to be looming in her impending future. In a moment of sad realization, Tommy realized it was probably all that she had left.

He turned his attention to back to Maura. She had aged well, still easily passing for a decade younger than she really was. Today, however, she looked possibly that most frazzled that Tommy had ever seen her, even through two pregnancies and the early years of motherhood. She wore only an oversized t-shirt, with faded print adorning the front. She had pinned her long hair up into a messy bun, the roots now noticeably gray. Though she had always kept her figure lean over the years, she looked almost frighteningly thin now, sending Tommy's mind back to the unused kitchen. Perhaps she wasn't quite as put together as Tommy had assumed her to be.

"Maura!" he addressed her again, his voice sharper, louder.

This time, he drew her out of her concentration, her head snapping up, looking confused and dazed as he beckoned her back to reality. It was just for a moment, however, when a loud beep from the computer drew her attention back to the screen. "Just give me one second." The furious typing began again.

Several seconds passed before Tommy let out a hefty breath, crossing the expanse of the room, flicking the screen of Maura's laptop closed with sudden force. She withdrew her hands out of instinct, the click of the screen startling as she stepped away, unable to speak for a moment. "I was in the midst of a very important correspondence," she muttered irritably, flexing her fingers as she reached for the computer again.

Tommy firmly planted his hand atop the closed device. "Maura," he searched for her eyes, his heart hurting when he saw such bewilderment and detachment there. "When was the last time you ate?"

The question was simple, but she found herself floundering for an answer. She averted her eyes from his, picking nervously at the hem of her shirt. She took the route of avoidance, cocking her head slightly as she seemed to fully register his sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"

The news was too startling to saddle upon her in such an abrupt and thoughtless manner, and he wasn't even quite sure she had fully immersed herself back into reality. Giving her a moment to fully surface seemed to be in his best interest. "Come to the kitchen and eat something. Then we'll talk."

She looked a bit miffed, but her curiosity (or perhaps her hunger) got the best of her, and she followed him. Tommy rummaged through the fridge, finding nothing but a jar of pickles, an unopened jug of orange juice, and a nearly empty bottle of mustard. The cabinets offered him no more luck: a can of chickpeas, a box of gluten-free pasta, and a jar of marmite. He darted a sideways glance at her, as she leaned up against the granite countertop, her eyes already lost again.

"Honestly, I don't know how you're not dead right now," he sighed, rummaging in the lower cabinets. "Aha! Jackpot!" he exclaimed, unearthing an unopened box of Cheerios. "Now eat."

She looked startled as he slammed the box down in front her, though she reluctantly obliged, prying the cardboard box open. "You still owe me an explanation for your sudden visit." She popped a couple Cheerios into her mouth.

"And you still need to eat more so I won't worry about you keeling over," Tommy raised an eyebrow. She looked somewhat irritated as she reached for another handful, pointedly shoving an ungraceful scoop into her mouth. "Hey, isn't that one of Jane's shirts?" Tommy had finally made out the print, deciphering the text to read 'Property of Boston Police Department.'

Maura stopped mid-chew as she looked down at her choice of clothing. Her cheeks turned pink, her eyes finally sparking with a hint of the Maura Tommy remembered. "She left a handful of items here after she moved out," Maura muttered softly, leaving no further explanation. She continued to gaze at the shirt for a moment longer, before reaching for another handful of Cheerios.

"You doing okay, Maura?" Tommy asked as nonchalantly as he could manage. Sure, Maura had always had trouble relating to others to some degree, but she was particularly catatonic and robotic today. He wondered when she had last interacted with another person, outside of her research correspondence. He wondered if she had any friends left at all. His throat tightened, watching her once again. She had averted her gaze to the window, where a robin had perched on the outside sill.

"What was that?" she muttered, reaching absentmindedly for the collar of her shirt. A beam of light refracted off her fourth finger, and Tommy watched the light dance against the golden band for a moment, his stomach only growing tighter.

At last, he let out a weighty breath, watching Maura carefully. "I'm here because of Jane."

He saw her body noticeably stiffen, though she kept her eyes focused intently out the window. She lowered her hand back to the countertop, waiting in baited anticipation.

"She's in surgery right now. Got herself into an accident," Tommy explained less eloquently than he had hoped.

Still no response.

"Actually she's out of surgery now. Frankie just texted me," Tommy added, his voice forcefully cheery as he fiddled with his phone.

More silence, before she pivoted away from the counter. "I need to get back to work now."

"Wait, Maur-" Tommy attempted to reason with her, though he wasn't quite sure what he had expected from her. He was beginning to question his decision to come here at all.

He watched her disappear behind the guest room door once again, letting a frustrated breath out through his teeth. She was in no state to be reasoned with - she wasn't even in much of a state to be reached.

But as he turned, making his exit, he made out the hushed sound of muffled sobbing escaping from behind the closed door.

* * *

_A/N: More of their divorce will be explained in later chapters. Also, sorry that Maura's research is so vague. I figured it was probably best to leave it more ambiguous rather than delving into stuff I really know nothing about. If anyone has better ideas or insight about a research position for Maura, feel free to let me know. If not I'm planning on leaving it vague._

_Also, sorry this chapter was an angst fest. I promise this story isn't going to be unbearably depressing. While it is a darker topic, Jane and her snark will be around soon to lighten things up :)_

_Thanks so much for all your support. Hearing what you think means a lot :)_


	3. Your scars are healing wrong

_Jane crouched down behind the dumpster, the smell of filth assaulting her nostrils. She swallowed a gag, forcing herself to inhale though her mouth. She watched a pair of hooded teenagers scuttle past a few yards ahead of her post, her attention piquing for a moment as she craned her neck out from behind the giant trash dispenser. She kept her gun pressed up against her side, her finger already nudging the trigger. The two boys disappeared quickly into a neighboring ally, leaving Jane in stifling silence, with only the putrid stench to keep her company. She cursed quietly under her breath, her thighs beginning to ache._

_She glanced up at the darkening sky, noting the thickening mass of clouds gathering overhead. She had told Maura she'd be home by six, but the encroaching blackness told her she'd already missed that deadline. With a disgruntled sigh, she remained squatted for another painstakingly long minute._

_"Come on…" Her voice escaped her lips a low growl, laced with frustration. She closed her eyes, straining her ears in search for a noise she might have missed, but all she could only hear the rhythmic lapping of the waves as they splashed up against the docks._

_The moon glowed from its perch behind the thickening rainclouds, and Jane, somewhat reluctantly, heaved her body in an erect position. She kicked a discarded soda can angrily into the base of the dumpster, listening to the sharp clang screech through the night. Keeping her gun planted against the side of her leg, she traversed the distance from her lookout to the car parked a few blocks down._

_"Anything?" Frost lifted his head hopefully as Jane slid into the passenger seat, gulping in the fresh scent of leather that lingered in moderately new car. She tossed her walkie and gun onto the floor below her feet, grimacing as she turned to face her partner. _

_"Fucking nothing," she growled between her teeth, tucking a flyaway hair behind her ear as Frost turned the key in the ignition. "Yet again. This bastard sure likes to play games…" she trailed off, leaning her head against the window frame. She watched her breath fog the glass for a moment, her whole body quivering in vain irritation. _

_The loud vibration of her phone startled her._

_"Third time Maura's called," Frost informed her. "Didn't mean to snoop, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't the station calling with something new." He picked up her cell from the cup holder, prodding the device in her direction._

_"Third time?" Jane clarified, accepting the vibrating device. She was well aware that she was now arriving home much later than she had expected, but three missed calls were just enough to put Jane's mind into a state of mild panic. _

_She answered immediately. "Is Jenna okay?" It was reflex now; years of criticizing and resenting her own mother for her overprotective tendencies suddenly had Jane eating her own words_

_"She's walking, Jane," Maura's voice spilled into the receiver. She paused for a moment. "I thought you'd be home by now."_

_The panic subsided, but the news left Jane far from relieved. "Shit…" she trailed off, Maura's words only fueling her frustration. "Like _really really _walking?"_

_Perhaps she had only missed those first teetering steps (which, Jane reasoned with a small purse of her lips, was really not any less disappointing). Perhaps it had all just been a fluke and Jane would be present to witness her daughter's first confident, steady strides._

_"She's taking her fifth lap around the coffee table."_

_Jane swore again._

_Frost shifted in his seat, cocking his head in concern. Jane waved him away. "I'm on my way home now. And you've got those foamy thingies on the corners of the table right?"_

_"The edge protectors? Yes, Jane. I even scattered the throw pillows from the couch around the room to act as buffers. Though she is quite steady on her feet, surprisingly enough. She's been very dainty and careful with her footing."_

_Jane let out a small huff of frustration. "Mama?" she heard the heartbreakingly small voice inquire in the background. She pictured her small face, framed in golden curls, her large, hazel eyes wide as she spoke the simple word. Jane's stomach sank._

_"Mama will be home soon, baby," Maura's voice was soft, with a hint of disappointment. Jane's hours were long and often less flexible than Maura's, hardly ideal for raising a child. She had never resented her job, but lately the unpredictability left her feeling more annoyed than satisfied._

_"Thirty minutes," Jane promised. "Give her a kiss for me, okay?"_

_"Of course," Maura assured her. "We'll be waiting."_

_She slammed her phone back into the cup holder. Frost winced from the brutal treatment of the device. "So Jenna started walking, I gather?"_

_"Yeah, and I fucking missed it," Jane practically seethed. "And I could have been there, if it hadn't been for this damn fake lead…"_

_"Jane, you can't beat yourself up," Frost attempted to reason with her. "You're just doing your job. You can't put your life on hold just to be there every second – Jenna's got two amazing moms who are gonna give the world to her, while still doing what they love. Besides, I'm sure Jenna will be more than happy to put on an encore for you once you're home."_

_Jane chewed on her lower lip. "Yeah, but it sucks more than you think it will," she sighed, glad when they began to near the familiar landmarks of the city. "I used to make fun of all those moms who fawned over their kids and made the biggest deal out of this kind of stuff, but you start caring more than you think you will. I wanna be here for these moments. I love my job, Frost, you know I do. But it's a demanding profession, and I'm scared I'm gonna miss tons more 'firsts' because of it."_

_"Jane, it's gonna be fine," Frost turned to pointedly make eye contact as they neared a stoplight. "Jenna knows you love her. Maura knows you care. Sure, there are gonna be frustrating moments, but you're doing this right, okay?"_

_Jane nodded, letting her tense body meld against the seat, willing her muscles to loosen. They were silent for the remainder of the ride, as Jane kept her gaze out the window, watching the familiar city buzz by. Frost gave her a reassuring pat on the arm and a smile as he pulled up in front of the Rizzoli-Isles residence, followed by a silent nod. She cracked a tiny smile in return._

_The lights were dimmed as Jane entered the kitchen. She left her holster on the island counter, nudging it toward the center, far from Jenna's reach. She stepped quietly into the living room, finding Maura on the couch with Jenna nestled snuggly under the crook of her neck, her thumb pressed firmly between her lips. Maura hummed softly, a soothing, nameless tune, offering Jane a small smile as she entered her field of vision. Jane planted herself carefully on the couch next to the pair, the frustration from her grueling day dissipating rather quickly. _

_"I was going to have her stay up for you, but the exertion from her exciting evening seems to have exhausted her," Maura spoke softly, her fingers lacing lightly through Jenna's perfect ringlets._

_Jane watched Jenna's back rise and fall gently. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."_

_"I'm sorry if I overreacted – or made you feel badly for not being here," Maura offered an apology of her own. "All these moments just happen so overwhelmingly fast, and-"_

_"Don't be sorry," Jane cut her off, letting Maura knew that she understood - that she hated the idea of missing out on each of these milestones just as much as Maura did. "I wanted to be here, too," she answered with a small sigh. "I can take her," Jane offered after a moment, scooting closer to Maura. Maura nodded, lifting Jenna with as little disturbance as she could manage._

_Jenna shifted, letting out a tiny breath as she nuzzled herself up against Jane, her breathing immediately falling back into it's steady rhythm. Jane stood, swaying lightly as she kept her daughter pressed against her. _

_"I love you, baby girl," she whispered, her lips against Jenna's ear. She fit so perfectly in Jane's arms, leaving Jane with a melancholy knot in her stomach as she held her soft weight against her body, wondering how long she'd fit just this well._

XXX

It was a strange memory to surface to, and one that left Jane's throat feeling tight as her eyes fluttered open. Ironically enough, it was Jenna's face that hovered over hers as she blinked a few times, bringing her bleary eyes into focus as the brightness of the stark room settled around her. Her body was too numb to ache just yet, but the mild sensation she had regained sent the memories of her botched bike ride spiraling back, and she knew that the pain would not be absent for long.

"Baby girl," she whispered hoarsely, a smile dancing on her chapped lips. "What're you doing here?"

Jenna, for the first time in the memorable past, did not protest as Jane uttered the infantile pet name. "Well, nearly getting yourself killed warrants some concern. I flew in this afternoon," Jenna answered her, a sarcastic, lilting tone to her words, though she almost immediately nestled her hand into Jane's limp one, the contact warm and comforting. "Cody's here, too."

Her tall son lumbered into view, giving her a half smile as took his place beside his sister. "Hey, Ma. You feeling okay?"

A dry laugh bubbled in Jane's throat. "I don' think I can feel anything right now, to be hones'," her words were cracked and slurred. She did not have nearly enough moisture in her mouth to he holding a conversation, and her head spun wildly as she attempted to gain coherency in her drug induced state.

"Would you like some water?" Jenna offered, removing her hand from Jane's. She disappeared from Jane's line of vision for a brief moment, before returning with a plastic cup adorned with a bendy straw.

Jane nodded, feeling helpless as Jenna lowered the straw to her lips. She lifted her neck only a fraction of an inch, her head pulsing painfully as she attempted to support the weight. Jenna waited patiently as Jane slurped cool beverage, the water immediately soothing her parched throat. She nodded against the straw when she was finished, feeling a bit tingly as the water rushed through her system.

"Better?" Jenna asked her.

Jane nodded. "Now I can properly whine about your haircut."

Jenna's hand flew to her bob, fingering the short strands. Beside her, Cody let out a barking laugh. "See, I told you it looked awful."

"Not awful. It's just not you," Jane muttered, taking a glance up at her daughter again, frowning a little.

Jenna let out an indignant tut, her retort escaping her mouth quickly. "Just because I don't look like—" She stopped herself just in time, turning her face away, the unspoken words hanging thickly in the air.

_Just because I don't look like her anymore, _Jane finished the phrase silently, her stomach now unbearably tight.

"I'm sorry," Jane spoke dryly. "It's just going to take some getting used to." She reached for Jenna's hand again, though Jenna waited a moment before accepting the gesture.

Before the exchange could become sour, a nurse entered the room, taking her post beside Jane's bed, a disgustingly chipper smile lining her face. "I'm just going to take her vitals now," she spoke cheerily. "You two are welcome to wait here if you'd still like to visit."

"Actually, Nonna and Uncle Frankie are out in the waiting room, and since they only want two of us back at time, they're probably getting anxious to come see you - if that's alright with you, Ma," Jenna rubbed the back of Jane's hand gently with her thumb.

"Ah, shit, Ma's here? And Frankie, too?" Jane let out an audible groan, sinking deeper into the mattress. Her head began to pound harder.

"Nonna would be there with an ambulance if you stubbed your toe, Ma," Cody reminded her gently.

Jane clamped her eyes shut. "Send them back," she grumbled through her teeth. "But if I 'fall asleep' before they get here, don't blame me."

XXX

Feeling a bit miffed, but more so guilty, Jenna followed Cody back out to the waiting room.

Tommy had rejoined his family and had managed to cajole his anxious (and quite stubborn) mother into a seated position, as she was quite taken with whatever he had displayed on the screen of his phone.

"How is she?" Frankie stepped toward the pair, his voice holding a hint of concern.

"Pretty good, actually," Jenna answered with confidence. "She's a bit woozy, but she's already cracking jokes like her good ol' self." Relief fully flooded Jenna as she listened to her own words. "The nurse says they won't know for sure how her spinal function is going to be until the anesthesia fully wears off, but they're hopeful. They're checking her vitals now, but two more of you can go back in a minute," Jenna repeated the nurse's orders.

"You two go," Tommy looked up from his phone, nodding toward his mother and his brother.

Angela did not need to be told twice, rising from the chair as fast as she could manage, despite her aching hip. Frankie stepped by her side, offering her an arm as she steadied herself "You sure you're okay with us going first, Tommy?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Tommy waved them on. "It'll give me a minute to catch up with my niece and nephew anyway." He winked in Jenna and Cody's direction, as the two settled themselves back into the vinyl chairs.

"Tommy, make sure you show Jenna those pictures of Olivia," Angela spoke before they began their trek down the hall, referring to TJ's eight-week-old baby. Jenna bit her tongue, anticipating the phrase that followed. "It's about time you started giving me some great-grandbabies, too, you know."

"Let me work on that whole getting married thing first, okay, Nonna?" Jenna repeated her mantra, trying her best to keep her tone pleasant.

"I can't believe that young man hasn't asked you yet," she shook her head in disappointment as she rounded the corner with Frankie.

Jenna knitted her eyebrows together in frustration. However, she took a brief, sideways glance at Tommy's phone, grimacing as her eyes were assaulted by a chubby bundle of pink. "Cute," she muttered dutifully.

Tommy only laughed. "Rest assured, you're not the first one she's done this to. She was on your Ma's case for years - I'm pretty sure you owe your conception to your grandma's continual prodding."

Jenna rolled her eyes. Cody snorted.

"Speaking of your mothers - when was the last time either of you called your mom?" Tommy pointedly eyed the two siblings.

All at once, Cody sunk deeper into his chair, avoiding eye contact. Jenna chewed innocently on her lower lip. Tommy's eyes remained relentless.

"It wouldn't make any difference to call," Jenna finally blurted, letting out a tiny huff. "She hardly ever answers, and when she does, she's always in the middle of some incredibly crucial correspondance, or deciphering data, or whatever. It's not like you can even have a real conversation with her anymore."

Tommy let out a heavy sigh, hardly having a valid refute.

"I assume she's not coming then," Jenna finally spoke, her eyes softer now as she found Tommy's.

"Highly doubt it," he confirmed. "You guys staying with her?"

Jenna shrugged. "I hadn't really thought much about it, to be honest, but it seems like the logical place to go. You aren't planning on going back to school tonight, are you, Cody?" she turned to face her brother.

He shook his head in confirmation. "Yeah, we'll be staying at Mom's place."

Tommy was quiet again for a minute. "Make sure she eats, okay?" He paused again, both Jenna and Cody's faces a bit anxious from the simple request. An uncomfortable sensation settled in Jenna's stomach. She had been aware that neither of her mothers had taken to their single, independent lives very well, but she hadn't taken the time to notice just much the two women had deteriorated over the past few years. Her body pulsed with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Tommy took in another breath, his concern apparent in his tone. "I know she's got her own thing going now - but maybe you two can bring out a small piece of the Maura we've always loved."

* * *

_A/N: Reviews are always lovely and much appreciated :)_


	4. With one you loved so long ago

_A/N: In which the Dirty Robber is still The Dirty Robber_

* * *

_Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, in the clear. _Jenna attempted to remember the simple rhyme she'd spend much time chanting during her collegiate days. The muddled words sounded right, but she was having difficultly remembering the sequence in which she had followed them tonight.

"A Sam Adams, please," she finally decided as the bartender emerged back into view. It seemed like the safer option, as her night was slowly beginning to wind down.

The bartender popped the cap and nudged it in her direction, followed by a chilled mug. He frowned a little as Jenna's intoxicated form wavered over the countertop. "Want me to call someone for you, sweetheart?"

Jenna perked up considerably, fighting through her exhaustion and inebriation. She flashed him a sloppy smile. "I'm fine, thank you. I'll call my brother once I've finished my beer."

He nodded, looking more at ease as he went to tend to his other customers. She glanced a the mug, her eyes darting back to the bottle, quickly making the decision to gulp the liquid straight from it's original vessel. She drank it too fast, as drinking alone always seemed like more of a chore, and there was no conversation to help pace herself. She nudge the bottle away from her after tilting the last sip in her mouth, her stomach feeling a little queasy from the excessive carbonation.

That last drink had really done her in. She wobbled as she lowered herself from the stool, watching as the room swam around her. The Dirty Robber hadn't changed much over the years – same homey feel, same chipping paint emanated by the dim lighting. Her eyes fell on the empty booth by the door, the maroon vinyl fading, the seat slightly sunken from years and years of usage. If she squinted a little, she could almost see her mothers sitting there, Ma with a large bottle of beer, Mom delicately sipping a glass of Chardonnay. On either side of them, Jenna and Cody would have piled into the booth as well. Jenna would always meticulously color the kid's menu that remained the same for years. Cody, too small to reach the table, would sit on his knees as he shoved French fries into his mouth, a look of disdain from their mom, countered by a smug look of pride from their ma.

She sighed a bit wistfully, making her exit. She gulped in a breath of the warm evening air, leaning against the side of the building, a little unsteady on her heels. She reached for her phone, shooting Cody a quick text, which she could only hope he'd be able to decipher. She closed her eyes, wishing her intoxication were more blissful.

She was startled by the loud buzzing of her phone, expecting it to be Cody, but instead she was greeted by a frantic voice.

"Jenna, where the hell are you?"

Jenna nearly toppled over, though she should have been expecting this call. "Matt?"

"Yes, Jenna, who else would it be?" His voice was short, impatient. "Now would you mind telling me where the hell you are? You said you were gonna meet me after the reception, and-"

Shit. She immediately interrupted him, her head throbbing as she realized just how out of whack this fiasco "I'm sorry, everything just happened so fast today an'-"

"Are you drunk?"

"No...maybe."

"Fuck, Jenna. Just tell me where you are."

"I'm in Boston."

"What?"

"Boston, Matt," she repeated, not sure if her words had come up unclearly or he just hadn't registered it yet. "My Ma's in the hospital. There was an accident."

The tension waned considerably. "Is she okay?"

Jenna nodded, before realizing he couldn't see her. "Yeah, she's gonna be okay. Just a big scare, mostly. I'm probably gonna stay a few more days though, just to be safe. Her leg is injured pretty badly, so she might need a little help getting around her place once they discharge her." The explanation left her winded, as it was never easy to have coherent conversations in this kind of state.

He was silent for a minute. She heard him sigh, picturing his apologetic face. "I love you. Tell me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will," she muttered softly. She kept the phone pressed up against her ear, listening to him breathe a moment. She knew he was waiting. She knew he was waiting for her to return the simple sentiment, but the three simple words were always too hard for her to form.

XXX

The kids had left as quickly as they had arrived.

Maura stood a bit apprehensively in the front hallway, not quite sure what to do with herself. She had abandoned her work after Tommy had left, too anxious to concentrate, and the arrival of her two children had been somewhat expected and almost a relief to the jarring events that had taken place that morning. Their brief appearance had been polite and somewhat distant, before they had dispersed, leaving Maura feeling useless once again.

She noticed Jenna's Louis Vuitton tote sitting by the door, simple, yet elegant, and she could not help but to smile at her daughter's refined taste. Cody's large pair of spare sneakers rested beside Jenna's bag, and Maura felt a hint of regret as she realized how much she missed the subtle clutter her children had always absentmindedly left scattered around the house.

She walked back into the kitchen, the box of Cheerios still open on the counter. As she placed the cereal back into the Lazy Susan, she grimaced as she realized just how low she was on sustainable food. However, her scowl quickly dissipated as she was overcome with a sudden sense of purpose.

She grabbed her purse and a sensible pair of flats from her bedroom, catching a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror on her way out. She paused for a moment, assessing her appearance. She had changed into a pair of salmon colored pants and a loose fitting beige blouse - a simple, yet becoming outfit. She reached up to unpin her hair, letting her golden locks tumble against her shoulders. She was surprised to find her reflection smiling back at her.

The night was pleasantly warm as she left the house, and she was surprised by the sense of empowerment she felt as she inhaled the fresh air. She hummed softly to herself as she put the key into the ignition, her mind feeling clearer than it had in ages as she left the familiarity of her home.

The grocery store had been her destination, but she had somehow ended up in the hospital parking lot instead.

This fact startled her for a moment, as she sat with the car running for a good few minutes, reciting her mental grocery list to herself several times. She pursed her lips, a hint of frustration gathering in her throat, before she reached to remove the keys from the ignition. She let the suffocating silence consume her for a moment. Her eyes fell down to her hands, the golden band glowing softly in the dim moonlight.

She stepped out of the car.

Once inside the establishment, she found the information desk easily, her nails clacking nervously against the countertop as the receptionist checked her ID and directed her to the proper room. She held her breath, wishing that visiting hours weren't so flexible.

But moments later she found herself standing outside the room, cautiously peering around the frame of the door.

"She's asleep right now," the nurse had quite suddenly appeared behind her, badly startling her. "We just gave her a pretty hefty dose of morphine, so I'm not sure if she'll be waking up anytime soon. You're welcome to come in for a little if you'd still like to."

Maura nodded, clutching her purse tightly as she rigidly positioned her body in the chair facing Jane's bed. The nurse lingered for a moment. Maura offered her a forced smile. As the nurse took her leave, Maura visibly slumped in her seat, her eyes fixated on Jane's form.

She watched her. She watched her chest fall, counting the breaths, slow, steady, methodical. Comforting. The familiarity of the comfort startled her out of the feeling for a moment. She bit down on her lower lip, her eyes dancing toward Jane's face.

She had aged considerably, wrinkle creases evident by her eyes. There was a large gash above her left eyebrow, her lower lip was plump and swollen, and her cheeks were covered in threadlike scratches. It wasn't the Jane she was familiar with, yet, she found her as beautiful as the first time she had laid eyes on her.

She scooted closer to the bed, letting a gentle breath of air escape her lips. Her eyes found Jane's hand, limp against the sheets; she placed her own hand only a fraction of an inch away from it. She grew lost in the sound of Jane's breathing, accompanied by hypnotic beeping of the monitor. Her eyes fluttered shut.

She didn't fight it.


	5. Cause none of us were angels

_"I want MOMMY!" Jenna screeched, now a heap of limbs on the floor as she refused budge any farther toward her room down the hall. She planted her face into the carpet, though it hardly did anything to mute her wails of distress._

_Jane let out groan, slumping against the wall in a defeated manner. She ran a hand through her curls, watching the distraught toddler for a good few minutes, her ears ringing loudly as the persistent screams continued. Indulging her would only feed the flames of her tantrum, and Jane gritted her teeth as she waited, knowing that it couldn't be long before Jenna would peter out._

_Sure enough, her sobs faded from an endless drone to a series of softer whines. Jane held her breath, letting the tension escape from her body as Jenna's voice tapered off, leaving only the sound of her loud sniffles. _

_Jane didn't dare move. _

_Jenna hiccupped, peering out from behind her veil of wild hair. She glowered at Jane, before letting out another tiny whimper. She turned her face against the carpet, resting her cheek against the textured surface, a sigh of exhaustion rippling through her body. _

_Jane crouched down on the floor, inching cautiously toward her daughter, before gently bringing her hand to her back. She rubbed small circles against the top of her back, watching as her eyelids began to flutter. "You ready for bed now, baby girl?" _

_Jenna recoiled immediately, thrashing away from Jane's grasp. "No! No! No! I want Mommy!" she demanded once again. Jane silently chastised herself for her lack of patience. She rose from her squatted position, ready to grab her daughter and physically place her into her bed in a more efficient way of executing her authority. _

_But Jane stopped herself, hesitating as she took a step toward Jenna. Her daughter's eyes were wild as she stared up at Jane, somewhat resembling a frightened, wounded animal as she cowered on the floor. Jane's frustration waned to an ache, realizing that Jenna was merely at a loss of just how to cope with the situation that had been unexpectedly throttled upon her. To Jenna, her entire world was coming to an end without Maura here to tuck her into bed as she did every night. _

_Jane sighed, her muscles visibly relaxing. She took a step back from Jenna, crouching down to the floor once again. "Come here, baby girl," she muttered softly, her face breaking into a small smile as she beckoned her daughter. _

_Jenna was cautious, waiting a good minute before she was certain her mother would not betray her. She finally scrambled to her feet, letting out a tiny sigh as she cocooned herself in Jane's arms. Jane held her for a moment, letting Jenna's hot breath splash against her neck. _

_"I miss her, too," Jane muttered, feeling Jenna cling to her even more tightly. "What do you say we give Mommy a call?" Jane finally caved, as Jenna vigorously nodded against her. _

_Maura had left for a statewide medical conference earlier that afternoon, leaving Jenna with Jane. What she had hoped to be a glitch free weekend had quickly turned in chaotic mess. Jane didn't cut apple slices the way Maura did, the mac and cheese was too crunchy, the water in the bath had too many bubbles, and Jenna's Ariel nightgown had suddenly gone missing. _

_Maura was the one who was always there, the one who knew how to brush the tangles from Jenna's hair without making her shriek. She remembered the lotion after bath time without Jenna having to remind her, and she had somehow mastered a bedtime routine that didn't involve a screaming match. Jane had liked to envision herself as a good mother, but she didn't always make it home for things like bedtime; Maura had just naturally fallen into a more domestic role, and it was rare that she wasn't present for at least one component of the arduous bedtime routine. Jane's hours were scattered and unpredictable, and tonight had left her with an ugly knot in her gut as a wave of incompetence washed over her. _

_She sat down on the couch, a sniveling Jenna still attached to her side. She pulled out her phone, feeling somewhat small and defeated, hating to admit to Maura that she had failed. _

_Maura picked up on the fourth ring, a hint of panic in her voice; they both worried too much. "Is everything okay, Jane?"_

_"Yeah," she answered quickly, before adding, "I mean, the evening was a little chaotic, but we survived. Bed time is proving to be a bit of a fiasco, so I was hoping a goodnight kiss through the phone might be able to replace your presence for the evening." Jane's voice was light, though her tongue stuck thickly to the roof of her mouth as she spoke._

_"Put her on," Maura muttered with slight bemusement in her tone. "I still have a few minutes before the evening panel begins."_

_Jane lowered the phone down to Jenna's ear, just able to make out the muffled conversation between the two. _

_"I hear you're giving Mama a hard time tonight," Maura's voice held a hint of disappointment. _

_Jenna erupted with a fresh batch of tears. "Mommy," her voice came out in a sloppy wail. "I want you to come home."_

_"Sweetheart, we talked about this, remember? Mommy's going to be gone for just three nights, but your Mama is there. Did she read you your bed time story in a silly voice?" Jenna nodded her head, letting out a muffled noise of confirmation against the receiver. "See, you're having even more fun than when I'm there."_

_"I want you," her voice broke Jane's heart for a minute, as she was drenched in inadequacy. "I want you both here." Jane was surprised to feel the sudden tears of relief pool in her eyes._

_"Just three nights, and we'll all be together then," Maura promised. "Until then, I need you to be a big girl and be on your best behavior for Mama. If I get a good report, I just may bring you home a surprise."_

_"What surprise?" Jenna's voice was less morose. _

_"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, would it? Now blow me a kiss, okay?" Jenna smacked her lips loudly. "Can you put your Mama back on?"_

_Jane took the phone from her daughter, a small smile edging her lips. "If _I_ beg you to come home, will you reconsider?"_

_"Jane..."_

_"I think my puppy dog eyes rival Jenna's."_

_"Missing me already?" Maura's voice was softer, more serious. _

_"I miss you all the time." Jane tried to smile, but her voice broke. __"When did I become the distant, estranged father in this scenario?" she spoke with a huff._

_"Jane, you know that's not true…"_

_"I just feel like this shouldn't have been this hard, you know? Like she should be better about going to bed for both of us. That when you're gone, I'm good enough, and she doesn't spend all her time begging for you," Jane muttered, a bit hoarsely. _

_"You know Jane, it's not that unnatural for people raising a child within the context of a same-sex relationship to fall into gender specific stereo-"_

_"I know, Maur. I know that. I know I'm never gonna be the one to french braid her hair, and by the looks of it, she's gonna be playing dress up in your closet, not mine - but that doesn't mean I still shouldn't be here more. I want to be enough for her."_

_"Jane," Maura's voice was cautionary. "We're not having this conversation again. Not right now. Jenna adores you - we both know that. And you have her to yourself for three days, so now is not the time to worry about this."_

_Jane let out a breath. __"You having a good time?"_

_She could hear Maura exhale as well. "It has been enjoyable so far. I caught up with an old friend from college over dinner - she's been conducting some interesting research - but I'll tell you more about that later. I really should be going now, and you're going to have a very cranky three-year-old tomorrow if I don't let you finish this battle."_

_Jane licked her lips. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too, Jane. Give her a kiss for me, okay?"_

_"You got it." She smiled, listening to the silence seep through the receiver for a good minute before lowering her phone._

_Jenna had fallen asleep during the duration of their phone call, but instead of taking her down the hall and accepting the release she'd been begging for during the past hour, Jane closed her own eyes, hugging Jenna closer to her, wondering when she would finally feel settled._

XXX

Jenna was feeling hot, sticky, and a little nauseous by the time Cody pulled up in front of the Robber.

"Fun night?" he inquired as she sunk into the seat, gulping in the coolness of air-conditioned interior.

She took in another breath, just to make sure she had control of her stomach. "Thrilling." She paused, the car jolting as he put it into drive. "Thanks for coming to get me, kid."

"Well, I'm not really sure you could have called a cab in this state, so I don't think I had a choice. Guess it's lucky you didn't invite me to come with you on your escapade."

"Shit," Jenna turned to face her brother, his face emanated by the red glow of the stoplight. "That's right, you're twenty-one now." As with all of the noteworthy family events in the past year, she had missed that one too. "I owe you a drink – wanna go back?" She knitted her eyebrows together, her offer half-serious.

"I think I'll put a rain check on that offer," Cody answered, a wry smile on his face as the light turned green. "I'd rather not have to peel you off the floor tonight."

"Fuck you," Jenna shoved him playfully.

It was only moments later that she let out a tiny moan, her stomach lurching, feeling dizzy as her mind tried to make sense of the blurred scenery that sped past her window. She let out a tiny moan, swimming in nausea.

"I swear, Jenna, if you vomit in my car..." Cody warned, slowing his pace in preparation for an emergency pullover.

"I'm not gonna, just shut up and drive." She waved him forward, letting her head fall against the window.

She was dozing lightly when they pulled into the driveway, and it took her a minute to gain enough coherency to stumble out of the car. She took in a few breaths, letting the freshness soothe her.

"You coming in?" Cody edged toward the door.

"The air smells good," she muttered, leaning up against the hood of the car. "Gimme a minute."

She felt the car sway slightly as Cody pressed his own weight up against it. She let her eyes flutter open, startled slightly by the clarity of the night sky. It was enough to keep her heavy eyes open for a while, momentarily masking her exhaustion.

It was Cody who broke the silence. "You think Ma's gonna be okay?" His voice was tight.

"Yeah, I think she'll bounce back. More of a scare than anything," she repeated the words she had spoken to Matt, once again soothed by her speculation. "I'm more worried about Mom, to be honest."

She wasn't sure if she had meant to speak the words, or if they were just a fleeting thought that escaped past her loosened lips, but they seeped slowly into night around them, lingering with sudden heaviness.

"How'd she get this way? I mean, I know they've both been taking it hard, but that's not Mom in there." He nodded toward the house. She could hear his lips purse as he finished speaking.

Jenna opened her mouth a few times before settling on her response. She kicked her heels off, standing up a little straighter as she addressed her brother. "It's what happens when you let just one person become your entire world." The answer was well-versed; she'd given it more thought than she would have soberly admitted.

"She has us though." Cody's response was feeble.

Jenna scoffed, though she nearly choked on an influx of guilt.

"I've been meaning to call her more," Cody continued. "School's just been busy though, you know? And she's not exactly the easiest person to reach...and you see how she still looks at me, Jenna..." His voice tapered off.

"It's not your fault, Cody." She couldn't remember how many times she had uttered those words. "I know you know that. You've got to stop putting this on yourself okay?" Her eyes pleaded with his.

His nod was hardly convincing. The air suddenly felt chilly, and Jenna wrapped her arms around herself, before stepping back into her heels and taking a halting step forward. "Come on, let's go inside."

Cody swooped in beside her, hanging onto her arm as she wobbled toward the door. "I'll always be here for you," he promised solemnly, before breathing in a sigh as he lightened his tone, "You know, when you're old and only have cats to keep you company. Or, in the fashion of this family, a herd of_ Geochelone sulcatae."_

She reached to smack him, but she tripped as she swiveled on her heel, face-planting against his chest. "And it's a bale. A bale of tortoises," she corrected him, a slight grin on her face. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, the hug startlingly familiar, yet achingly foreign. She closed her eyes, willing the knot in her throat to loosen.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, google-mouth junior," Cody gave her a final squeeze.

But she clung to him for a moment, suddenly afraid of what would happen if she let go.

* * *

_A/N: There are happier times for the Rizzoli-Isles ahead, I do assure you, and there will be more of a focus of Jane and Maura working through their differences - there's just a lot of their past I want to reveal to you so that their conversations in the present are more meaningful. _

___Your feedback is lovely - seriously, this story is hard to write, so I really do appreciate every comment :)_


	6. Love what you have

_A/N: Flashbacks are going to be more frequent in the next few chapters, as I'd rather show and not tell as I delve into the decline of their marriage._

* * *

_"Hey, babe," Jane murmured, her lips brushing Maura hair gently, an exhausted sigh slipping between her teeth. She leaned up against the island countertop beside her wife, letting the tension in her body dissipate._

_Maura smiled, looking a bit vague herself, before turning to capture Jane's lips lightly with her own. "You're later than I thought you would be." _

_The words were frustratingly familiar, and Jane swallowed her tongue to subdue a curt remark. She let her lips rest lightly against Maura's jaw for a minute, breathing in her scent until her irritation had waned. "Wanted to get as much paperwork done as I could tonight," she answered. "With Jenna's party tomorrow, I figured it'd be best to cover my bases as far in advance as I could. I am not missing her birthday," Jane stated firmly, more for herself than for Maura. "I don't care if there's a massacre tomorrow – I am gonna be there for my kid."_

_"Careful, or else you're certain to jinx it," muttered Maura, who was far too educated to believe in superstitions, but not quite confident enough to believe they were immune to ill-fated tragedy._

_A slight shuffling diverted Jane's attention to couch, where she was surprised to find her daughter nestled amongst the throw pillows. Jenna's long hair fell in shiny waves down her back, now nearly reaching her waist. She held a thick novel in her lap, her head lowered in intense concentration as she devoured the literature that was well beyond her years._

_"You didn't put her to bed yet?" Jane glanced over the microwave clock, making sure she had the time correct._

_"The flashlight we keep in the drawer by the refrigerator is missing, Jane," Maura answered with a tiny smile. "I remember those days all too well, making a canopy out of my sheets as I fervently devoured what I could by flashlight long after my parents had sent me to bed. I decided that perhaps it was best to let her read out here for a little while instead of having her strain her eyes under the covers."_

_Jane raised an eyebrow. "Or you could have taken away the flashlight."_

_"It's her birthday tomorrow," Maura reminded her. "We can enforce bedtime and confiscate the flashlight later."_

_"What's she reading anyway?" Jane squinted. It was a sizable book, a hefty endeavor for a nearly six-year-old to be reading._

_"_Anne of Green Gables," _Maura answered, glancing fondly at their daughter. _

_"I thought you were saving that to read to her before bed," Jane noted._

_ "She's a much too impatient and voracious reader to wait for me." _

_"Gosh, she really is a mini you. Remind me to take her outside and play catch with her this weekend," Jane added in a playfully sarcastic tone._

_"She is quite a bit like I am, though." Jane had expected Maura to feel more prideful in this realization; however, her tone was wistful. "I worry she's too much like I am sometimes."_

_Jane frowned. "And what is the supposed to mean? She's beautiful, smart, sweet – I couldn't have asked for a better kid, even though her favorite color is pink…" _

_"She's distant, though, Jane," Maura brushed aside the lightness Jane had attempted to bring to the conversation. "Her teacher told me she spent the entire duration of playtime reading her book today, which I know would typically thrill any parent, but it means she's not interacting with the other children."_

_"It's just one time, Maur. So what if she's a little introverted? She starts getting too involved with the other kids, and you have her getting into fist fights like I always did." Jane offered her what reassurance she could._

_"She's hardly had any friends over this school year, though," Maura continued morosely. "I don't mind it if my daughter is introverted - I just don't want her to be lonely." Maura's voice broke slightly over the last word, and Jane felt her own throat tighten. _

_"What's this really all about?" Jane reached to stroke the skin between Maura's elbow and forearm softly, attempting to coax more from her. She had a sinking suspicion that Maura's words__ transcended their daughter's social habits. Jane hated that spending time with Maura had once been so effortless; now, it seemed a cruel joke that marriage and motherhood had separated the two more than drawing them closer, the tension of their busy, independent lives now a burden._

_Maura took a moment to answer, a heavy silence lacing between them before Maura let the words tumble from her lips. "I want to have another baby."_

_"What?" Jane felt winded, unprepared for the impact of the words, feeling startled, as she had not expected Maura to veer off in this direction as a result of her prodding. Of course, they had mentioned the possibility, but Jane was not prepared for Maura to bring up the topic with such definitiveness.  
_

_"I see how you are with your brothers, Jane - how you've always been with your brothers. The way you protect each other, defend each other - You always have someone there for you, someone who openly expresses their love for you, and I imagine is was quite lovely to grow up with natural companionship. I want Jenna to have that; I want _us _to have that." She let out a small sigh, her eyes landing on their daughter._

_"We don't need to have a huge, Italian family to be happy," Jane reminded her, clasping Maura's hand between her own. "Plus, little brothers are annoying as hell. You really want to subject Jenna to that?"_

_Maura spent a minute looking down at their hands. "So you don't want to have another baby, then?" Her voice was heartbreakingly small. _

_"No!" Jane defended immediately, slightly flustered as she plowed on. "It's not that! It's just that I wasn't expecting us to bring that up now, that's all. It's a lot to think about, Maur. I just...we need to talk more about it before we make that kind of decision. But I'm not opposed to the possibility, okay? We made a damn fine kid the first go around, so I wouldn't be opposed to bringing more perfection to this world." Her stomach felt warm as Maura's eyes lit up, the alleviated tension leaving room for hope. She found Maura's lips again, pressing her own against hers lightly in a reassuring manner. "We'll talk more later, I promise."_

_She left Maura in the kitchen to join her daughter on the couch, who did not so much as flinch as Jane sank into the cushion beside her._

_ "Hey, kiddo, you can finish this chapter and then its off to bed, okay? I don't want you to be a zombie at your party tomorrow," Jane raised an eyebrow. _

_No response. _

_"Hellooo, earth to Jenna," she waved her palm in front of Jenna's face, only to earn an irritated grumble. _

_"I'm almost done with this chapter, though. Can we make it two? Please?" Jenna looked up at her with her large hazel eyes, her lips curved into a perfect pout._

_Jane pursed her own lips. "God, you're getting good at that...but the answer is no, okay? I'm not trying to be the big bad wolf here, but it's almost eleven, and even your mother and I are getting ready to head to bed."_

_Jenna nodded reluctantly, nestling more deeply into her cocoon of pillows, shutting Jane out once again._

_Maybe Maura was right. A sibling might do her some good. While she hardly wished to deter Jenna from pursuing her interests, she didn't want her to be overcome by the same anti-social tendencies that had taken Maura years to break herself from. Though they vowed to never be the distant, aloof parents that Maura had grown up with, the reality of their lives was a far cry from the over involved, stay-at-home mother that had defined Jane's upbringing, and even then, she'd had her brothers. And honestly, she wouldn't have traded either of them for the world._

___But she was frightened at the prospect of expanding their family. T_hey had reached a manageable routine, and Jenna was now old enough and independent enough that Jane's extended work day left her feeling less guilty. She longed for comfort, for a long awaited sensation of peace and satisfaction to settle within her, telling her she'd done well. She wasn't sure if she was headed toward that now. Jenna may have been older now, and at only six-years-old, she was already frighteningly self-sufficient and advanced, two traits that, as Maura had feared, were causing her to become somewhat reclusive. Perhaps having another baby would be good for Jenna, but Jane was left with an uneasy feeling in her stomach, the idea of second time motherhood frighteningly overwhelming. 

XXX

The persistent beeping that had initially lulled Maura to sleep subsequently roused her from her slumber. Her head had fallen against the surface of the bed, the bundle of sheets beside Jane's leg making a poor makeshift pillow. She could feel the imprint that the folds of the stiff bed linens had left against her cheek as she sat up abruptly. Her neck was sore and her eyes ached with exhaustion, but she felt empty now that she was devoid of the warmth emanating off of Jane's body.

On the far wall of the room, the clock cloaked in shadows told her that it was just past two o'clock. The passage of time startled her, as she had meant to merely stop in. She had simply wanted to see Jane, to confirm her safety. She supposed it was just as well that she hadn't woken. After all, Maura hardly knew what she'd say. The realization left her with an emptiness in her stomach, and she was suddenly at a loss at how to handle the influx of emotion without the option of immersing herself in distraction.

She stepped toward the bed, looking at Jane's face for a prolonged moment. Ever so softly, she brushed the loose curls away from Jane's forehead. The motion was achingly familiar, and she abruptly left, before her suppressed anguish became too overwhelming.

XXX

The house was dark as she entered through the front door, her arms laden with plastic shopping bags. Though she had been diverted from her original mission, the errand was still necessary, and the late night trip to the 24 hour grocery store had given her time to decompress.

She placed the bags on the countertop, surprised to see a light flash on unexpectedly in the living room. Her heart jumped for a minute, before she noticed her sleepy son rousing himself from the couch.

"Cody? What are you doing here, honey?" She left the bags on the counter as she approached him.

"You forgot your phone," he reached over the coffee table, waving the slim device to exhibit his claim. "I was gonna wait up for you to make sure you were okay, but I guess I passed out."

Maura balanced herself on the edge of the couch. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know. But I wanted to." He flashed her a sleepy smile, heaving his body into an upright position. "It's nearly 3am," he noticed glancing at her phone again. He attempted to keep the tone light. "Do I want to know where you were?"

There was no reason for her to lie, though a certain heaviness filled her stomach as she admitted her whereabouts. "I was visiting your Ma."

Cody looked slightly startled. "How did that go?"

"She was much too incapacitated and medicated for the visit to amount to much of anything," Maura muttered, reminding herself once again that her stealthy visit had been for the best.

Cody didn't speak for a good minute, though he scooted closer to her on the couch, patting the cushion beside him. She felt small as she nestled herself up against his side. "You look like you could use a hug."

His words were simple, but they left Maura with a knot in her throat. She nodded, her head falling against his shoulder as his large arms practically engulfed her. "I love you." She whispered, her voice dangerously hoarse.

"I love you, too, Mom," he answered, giving her a squeeze. "You know that, right?"

She nodded again, this time a few tears spilling over. "I'm just not sure I know how to be a good mother anymore - you and Jenna have grown up so incredibly fast, especially these past few years, and every time I feel as though I'm getting a grasp on it all again, I look at you two and realize that I'm missing so much."

He let the words settle for a minute. "Well, we're all here now. It's never to late to keep trying, right? I mean, I haven't been doing much on my end either. But I'll be graduating soon, and I'll need a place be crashing before I go out and make my mark on the world. So just giving me a roof over my head is gonna be a good place for you to start again."

The logic was simple, but it left Maura with a warmth flowing through her weary body. For the first time in ages, she didn't feel alone.


	7. A heart gathers regret

_A/N: I apologize for the wait. I had a death in the family last week, so of course this was the last thing on my mind. But I hope you guys are still willing to stick with me, and that you enjoy the latest installment :)_

* * *

Jenna woke up with her face smothered in her pillow, her body still saturated in the stench of alcohol. She moaned loudly, feeling sore and regretful. She was nearly naked, she realized as she peeled the sheets away from her body. She had had enough tact to keep on her bra and panties, but apparently not enough energy to find herself any suitable sleepwear. She picked up her crumpled skirt and blazer from the floor, a grimace painting her face. She dug through her tote, producing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, running her hands through her tangled hair a few times before exiting the room.

The warm scent of breakfast wafting from the kitchen was both nauseating and alarmingly appealing. She squinted against the beams of assaulting sunlight, hoisting herself up onto a barstool beside her brother.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Cody smiled, looking positively radiant as he forked a bite of pancakes into his mouth.

She let out an unintelligible mumble.

"Oh, you're up!" Maura glanced up from the stove, nudging the pancake with the end of her spatula. She left her post, rummaging for a tall glass in the cabinet beside the fridge, filling it to the brim with water before delivering it to her daughter.

"Coffee, please," Jenna rasped, glaring odiously at the water glass.

"Water first," Maura persisted, nudging the glass closer to Jenna. "You'll feel much better if you're properly hydrated, I assure you."

Jenna scowled, but she took the tall glass, gulping down a few sips, letting the liquid settle in her stomach. "Pancakes?"

"Almost ready," Maura replied, flopping the last pancake from the skillet onto a plate. She placed the it in front of Jenna's seat, before whisking Cody's empty plate away to the sink.

Any trace of nausea was gone as Jenna lifted her fork, ready to devour her breakfast, when she stopped herself short, her face contorting into a sappy smile. "You made Nonna's bunny pancakes."

Maura practically glowed, her cheeks rosy and prideful as she looked up from the sink; the guilt that had been building in Jenna's stomach dissipated significantly, as a glimpse of the mother she remembered had surfaced. She proceeded to scarf down her pancakes, listening as Maura hummed softly as she tackled the dishes.

"Do you two have plans for today?" Maura asked in an offhand manner, stacking the dishes beside the sink.

"Well, um, I was going to head over to the hospital," Cody looked somewhat guilty as he spoke the words. His eyes darted away from Maura's face, but Jenna stole a glance, deciphering a dejected expression, though the underlying worry was all too clear.

Jenna pushed her soggy crumbs around in the puddle of syrup left on her plate. "I, um...I might head over this morning, too. Well, afternoon," she amended, the microwave clock displaying that it was already past noon. "But just for a little. Then I'm all yours for the rest of the afternoon, if you'd like to do something." She let out a breath, her cheeks now flushed as she tried to speak the right words. She had hardly thought of her agenda for the day, but if Cody were going to the hospital, then she automatically felt obligated to make an appearance as well.

"Is fine, Jenna," Maura spoke as cheerily as she could manage. "You shouldn't be anywhere else right now. I have a plethora of work to catch up on myself, in the meanwhile."

Jenna watched the syrup drip from her fork, feeling bitter as the guilt returned. She knew Maura was hardly doing it intentionally, though she expected that it was somewhat hard for her to feed and house her children when they were exclusively in town on account of their other mother. She felt angry for a moment, as she considered just how broken and disjointed their family had become, but her rage was short lived as she realized she had only contributed to it in recent years.

Cody slunk down off the barstool, and Jenna could tell he was battling with himself as well, not wanting to show an inclination toward either mother. It was an obstacle neither of them had had to face before the divorce, and Jenna often wondered if her lack of involvement was the easy, lazy was of her declaring her Switzerland status in the whole ordeal. After all, she had been raised in enough of their mess; now, as an adult herself, she had distanced herself greatly from the tension that had edged her mothers' relationship for as long as she could remember.

"Ready to go, Jen?" Cody nodded toward the door.

"Do I look ready?" Jenna motioned to her disgruntled appearance, though she knew Cody was merely trying to make this as quick and painless as possible.

"Just put on a pair of pants and you'll be fine," Cody persisted.

Jenna was less than pleased with what she was able to do with her appearance in all of five minutes, but she let Cody shuffle her from her room without much protest, regretting her short hair for the first time, as she could no longer swoop it into a ponytail.

Cody paused a moment by the kitchen. "You sure you don't want to come, Mom?" His voice held a hint of hopefulness.

"No, no, you two go ahead. She needs you two right now." Maura's voice was tight.

As they left the kitchen, Jenna noticed she had stopped humming.

XXX

Even more of the Rizzoli brood had infiltrated the hospital by the time Jenna and Cody arrived to Jane's room.

Angela, of course, had resumed her post beside Jane's bed, firmly planted in her chair despite Jane's obvious discontent. Frankie stood by the bedside, slightly distanced from Tommy's clan. His wife, Ellie, had joined him, along with TJ and _his _wife, Kate. And the baby, Jenna quickly noticed, as Kate bounced a gurgling pink bundle in her arms.

"Well, then," Jenna hovered in the doorway, scrunching her face as her line of vision was inundated by her sea of relatives. "I might just take my leave now…"

"Jenna," Cody warned, grasping her wrist as he dragged her ungracefully into the room.

"Oh look, the kids are here!" Angela announced their arrival quite loudly, rising from her chair, obviously in heaven at this spontaneous family reunion.

"You'd think I was dying at the rate you guys are pouring in," Jane grumbled, lifting her head up from her pillow.

"You know you secretly love the attention, sis," Frankie countered, slapping her good leg.

"Nice to see you too, Ma," Jenna raised an eyebrow, taking her post by the side of the bed. Cody scooted up beside her.

"I suppose I'd better be nicer to the two of you in the very least. After all, you'll be the ones taking care of me when I'm old and incapacitated," Jane smirked.

"Oh, and you're not old and incapacitated right now?" Jenna countered.

"Touché," Jane clicked her tongue. "So can I expect you to be there at my beck and call once I'm discharged, then?'

"I suppose I should put my vacation days to good use, as Matt's always saying."

"How _is_ it going with that young man of yours?" Angela, of course, managed to wriggle herself into the conversation. Her smile was unmistakably devious.

"Everything's good. Nothing new to report there," Jenna answered quickly, hoping in vain to avoid a drawn out conversation.

"I'm surprised he hasn't asked you to marry him yet..." Angela trailed off with a deliberate sigh.

"Ma, stop," Jane butted herself back into the conversation. "Jenna's relationship is her own business. Besides, she's much too young to get married anyway."

"Young? She's practically thirty!"

"Gee, Nonna, way to make me feel like a old maid," Jenna muttered with a huff.

"Ma, why don't you go appreciate the great-grandkid you do have, and take the the rest of the family to lunch," Jane raised an eyebrow, nodding toward the door.

Angela pursed her lips, tossing her head dramatically over her shoulder as she ushered the rest of the family out of the room.

"Thanks, Ma," Jenna smiled appreciatively, letting out a relieved breath.

"Hey, I know how grating she can be. She's relentless. But, while we are on the topic, how is Mr. -"

"Stop right there," Jenna interrupted, a warning tone in her voice. "Matt. If you must ask about him, I demand you call him Matt. I can only imagine where your nicknames for him are going to stem from..."

Jane let out a throaty laugh. "We did have quite an interesting first encounter, didn't we?"

"Why do I feel like I'm missing so much crucial information in this conversation?" Cody piped up, his eyes darting between his mother and his sister.

"Okay, new topic," Jenna announced. "This weather we've been having, really something isn't it?"

"Yeah, I must say seventy degrees in May really is a shocker," Cody raised an eyebrow.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Or we could just talk about why Ma thought getting a motorcycle in the first place would be a good a idea."

"Because I'm badass, and you're jealous that I'm still reeking of coolness at this age."

Jenna's eyes fell on Jane's injured leg. "Yeah, so jealous right now. I'd say you were having more of a delayed midlife crisis."

"Look, maybe it wasn't my brightest idea, but I don't regret it. That was one hell of a ride, I tell ya." Jane nodded her head a bit proudly.

"A ride that nearly cost you your life. Next time you get urge for an adrenaline rush, do us all a favor and ride a roller coaster," Jenna countered. Her comment may have been dripping in sarcasm, but her concern was genuine.

"Yeah, well...at least my little scare got you two to come home. Not much can do that nowadays, so at least I can feel proud of something, right?" The conversation had quickly gone sour. Cody looked at his feet, while Jenna pursed her lips, reining in another snide comment.

"We told Mom we'd be back soon," Jenna sighed, the tension suddenly uncomfortable. She edged toward the door, as Cody reluctantly followed.

"Your Mom, she's doing okay, right?" Jane's voice had become soft.

Jenna's stomach hurt a little as she answered. "Yeah, Ma. She's just fine."

XXX

_"Bleck, Jenna, not in the mouth, okay, remember?" Jane spit out a mouthful of sand, squirming beneath the confines of the mound of it that weighed heavily on top of her. _

_"Sorry, Mama." Jenna reached to wipe Jane's mouth with her equally sandy hand, only worsening the matter. _

_"You almost done, baby?" Jane tried to keep her voice pleasant, but as the sand continued to creep into unwanted orifices, she was finding it hard to keep her patience. _

_"Yes, Mama," Jenna answered, dumping another bucket full onto Jane's abdomen. "I'm making you into a mermaid."_

_"Don't mermaids have to be in the water though?" She was beginning to itch terribly. _

_"Mermaids aren't real, so in my imagination, I can make them however I want to," Jenna answered matter-of-factly. Jane felt some pressure on her legs, and she did her best not to squirm. _

_Jane bit back a laugh, imagining Maura versing her in that response. Their six-year-old daughter was quite the genius, but they were particularly mindful to foster creativity and childhood innocence as well. She might not have believed in Santa Clause, but it didn't stop Jane from penning a note from the legendary Christmas figure to leave beside her gifts. Of course she would adamantly discredit the existence of mermaids, but she was glad to see that her daughter did not completely disconnect herself from the realm of childish play. _

_After finishing her legs, Jenna plopped down on Jane's abdomen with a thud, hovering over Jane with a gap-toothed grin. _

_"All done?" Jane asked hopefully, freeing herself from her sandy binds before Jenna could even finish nodding. _

_"Hey, I wanted to show Mommy!" Jenna protested as Jane stood up, a shower of sand spilling from every crevice of her body. _

_Jane bit her lip, noticing a that a few grains of sand crunched between her teeth in the process. "Mommy's busy, remember? And we can always bury me again later today," Jane reluctantly offered. S__he scooped up her daughter, carrying the squirming child into the ocean. _

_Jenna seemed satisfied with this response as Jane waded in to a waist-deep height, dipping her body down in the water to wash the layer of sand off her skin. Jenna squealed, clinging tighter to Jane as the water swirled around them. It was her first time at the beach, and she hadn't become comfortable with the unpredictability of the ocean just yet._

_"How about if I go see if Mommy's done with her phone call yet?" Jane murmured once her skin began to feel smooth again beneath the waves. _

_Jenna nodded, wriggling out of Jane's arms as soon as she was confident enough that she could stand. _

_"Wait for me to go back into the water, okay?" _

_"Yes, Mama," Jenna dutifully answered, plopping her wet body back down in the sand as she reached for her plastic shovel and pail. _

_A little ways up the beach, Jane found Maura sunning herself on one of the towels, looking quite stiff and uncomfortable as her hand skimmed the side of her bulging abdomen. _

_"Enjoying yourself?" Jane pushed Maura's feet to the side, making room for herself on the towel. _

_"As much as a pregnant woman can in the blaring sun, whilst covered in sand," she muttered listlessly, reaching to adjust her large-framed sunglasses. Her usage of sarcasm definitely had improved over the years. _

_"Hey, don't talk to me about being covered in sand. Apparently burying Mama is the best beach game ever, and I've got sand in places I don't even want to think about." Jane brought her hand to Maura's leg, leaving it to rest against her warm skin. _

_"I envisioned a vacation to the beach as much more relaxing than this." Maura shifted, her belly heaving as she sighed. _

_"Well, I don't think anything could really qualify as relaxing when you're nearly nine months pregnant," Jane jibed, giving Maura's knee a squeeze. "What do you say we go down by the water for a little? I'm pretty sure Jenna's making a sandcastle, and she could probably use your architectural knowledge to make sure she's constructing a sound edifice."_

_She watched Maura's lips curve into a small smile. "I'll join you two in a bit - Amy said she was going to call me back shortly. She wanted to clarify a few of the figures before we discussed further."_

_Jane fought the urge to roll her eyes. Instead, she let out a hefty breath, trying her damnedest to keep the annoyance out of her voice. "Couldn't you talk to Amy later, babe? We agreed we needed this vacation to take a step back and regroup as a family before the baby comes."_

_Maura struggled into a sitting position. She lowered her sunglasses, letting out a sigh of her own. "Amy's research is in the crucial stages right now, and I'm very privileged to be a part of the developmental process."_

_Jane sighed. There was no use starting an argument right, especially as she could tell Maura's mind was made up. Besides, she hardly had room to argue. She was typically the one who had to apologize for work getting in the way of their limited family time. And she certainly didn't want to be the one to stamp on this opportunity Maura had coming her way._

_"We'll be waiting." She leaned in to brush her lips against the corner of Maura's mouth._

_She traversed the beach once again, finding Jenna where she had left her._

_"She's not coming, is she?" Jenna scooped another shovel full of sand into her pail._

_"She just has another phone call she needs to make. But she'll be here later, I promise."_

_"You always say later, Mama. But I want you and Mommy _now_." Jenna's face curved into a perfect pout._

_Jane lowered herself to the sand, wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulders, wishing she had hopeful words to offer._

* * *

_A/N: I know the flashbacks have seemed redundant until now, as they are establishing the tension and patterns that Jane and Maura can't seem to break away from, but the next flashback I have planned definitely delves into some messier stuff. And yes, don't worry, Jane and Maura will be interacting soon enough in the present, I assure you. _


	8. And it was your heart on the line

_A/N: Gonna be helping out with a kid's camp this coming week, so it will be a bit before I can update. Thanks so much for all your support thus far :)_

* * *

"There you are," Jenna smiled pleasantly, shielding her face against the sun with her hand as she stepped out into the gated garden.

Maura was on her knees, wearing a faded pair of jeans and a button up Jenna recognized as her other mother's. She yanked a weed from the ground, adding it to the bulging trash bag beside her. Maura glanced up, smiling faintly as Jenna lowered herself to the ground beside her.

"She's doing great," Jenna offered. "Probably gonna be discharged tomorrow. I figured I'd just tell you, you know, instead of us skirting around the topic, while you pretend not to care."

Maura's eyes shot up again, sharp and wounded, but she merely pursed her lips together. Jenna watched her expression soften, almost graciously. Maura feigned apathy no more easily than she could lie.

Jenna glanced at the overgrown earth beneath her legs. She reached for a series of leaves, growing a few inches away, ready to uproot them, as it seemed her mother wasn't going to offer much to their conversation.

"Those are my peonies," Maura stopped her. Jenna let her hands unclench from around the neck of the plant. "They just haven't blossomed yet."

"In this mess, I'm surprised you can even tell what's a weed and what's not," Jenna muttered, looking at the overgrown and neglected garden.

"Well, you can identify a peony by its dark green lobed leaves," Maura offered, nodding toward the plant by Jenna's knee.

"I honestly don't know how you have time to know so much about everything," Jenna sighed, almost a bit wistfully. She glanced back down at the ground, deciding not to risk destroying her mother's garden any further. She brought her knees to her chest, her eyebrows rising as she found her mother's eyes.

"If you thought you read a lot during _your _childhood, you should have seen the rate I devoured reading material during mine," Maura matched her eyebrow raise. "I know your mother and I were a scattered presence at times during your and Cody's upbringing, but my mother was almost always absent from mine. My formative years were spent filling my mind with knowledge that comes in handy at odd times."

"I never did meet Grandma Constance, did I?" Jenna spoke in order to keep the conversation alive, though in fact, she could produce a blurry memory of the woman's severe face, as she handed her a small parcel – a book – that Jenna had eagerly added to her collection. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, _Jenna still remembered. It was an ornately decorated book, with thin, beautifully illustrated pages, and an old musty smell that Jenna had inhaled in adoration. She wondered what had become of it.

"Once," Maura amended. "You were four when she came to visit. She was quite taken with you. She was very impressed and fascinated that you embodied so many of both mine and your mother's traits at such a young age – you had so much sass and intelligence for such a young girl," Maura laughed fondly. "Unfortunately, my mother only stayed in Boston in small doses. She was in Europe when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I only saw her once more, as it had progressed into the untreatable stages very rapidly." She let out a tiny sigh, glancing toward the other end of the garden. Jenna wondered if she were even speaking to her any more.

"I was always glad Angela was able to be such an influential part of your lives," Maura added, a fond smile on her face.

"Oh, yeah, Nonna's always there, ready to secure the next generation for our family," Jenna laughed lightly.

"So I suppose she dropped a few hints about great-grandchildren again?" Maura muttered with a bemused expression.

"'Hinting' would be gracious – you know how she is, it's blunt or nothing from her," Jenna let out a small sigh.

"So, how are things between you and Matt?" Maura's transition was far from subtle as well.

"Things are fine. Nothing new to report. You guys don't honestly think I wouldn't tell you if I had news, right?"

"No, no, of course not," Maura assured her, placing another handful of weeds into the bag. "You've been dating for a while now, so I expect we're all just waiting for it to become, well…more permanent, especially considering your age."

"My age?" Jenna's tone became defensive. "If I go by your and Ma's example, I've still got a good decade before I have to settle down…."

"I apologize, I didn't mean for that to sound so offensive," Maura amended. "But you must consider that neither your mother and I hadn't been in an overly serious before we met and that we had both suppressed our sexuality for so long, we really didn't give much indication of settling down early on. You, however, have been in a relationship with Matt for over four years now."

"Marriage and relationship length are not dependent on one another," Jenna reminded her.

"No, that's not what I was implying..." Maura assured her.

"But what are you implying then? Because you're starting to sound like Nonna..."

Maura let a small sigh escape from her lips. "I just worry about you, Jenna. You're so far away from home, and your communication with us is poor. You remind me a lot of myself...and I don't want to see alone."

"Mom, just because Matt and I aren't jumping on the marriage train doesn't mean he's going to up and leave me. I like him. A lot. And I'm pretty sure he's crazy about me, too. I'm just not sure I'm ready for the whole marriage shebang just yet," Jenna explained, her throat a little tight as she continued to defend her choices.

"I know your mother and I didn't always provide the best example of married life, and how it ended between us is hardly reassuring to you either, but I promise you that marriage doesn't have to be horrible and stressful," she let out another small breath. "I just want to see you happy, Jenna."

"And I am happy, Mom. I promise," Jenna rested a hand against Maura's shoulder as she said the words. "And I also promise that your and Ma's relationship has nothing to do with how I'm handling mine, okay?"

Maura nodded, though Jenna wasn't sure she was entirely convinced.

XXX

_Jane wiped the sweat from her forehead, the mid-afternoon sun still merciless as she stood outside the high school auditorium, watching the crowds of people pouring in through the doors fade to a trickle. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, huffing in frustration as she registered the time. _

_She popped the button on her blazer, regretting (perhaps for the first time) that she had opted for a suit instead of a dress. She squinted across the parking lot, letting out a relieved sigh as she noticed the figure approaching her – curled blonde hair, black dress, matching pumps and handbag. _

_"Took you long en—" she started as the woman stepped onto the curb, though she cut herself off as she lowered her sunglasses. "I thought you were your mom."_

_"Mom's still not here yet?" Jenna raised an eyebrow as she tucked her sunglasses into her purse. _

_"No," Jane grumbled, leaning up against the side of the building. "Her flight was due in an hour ago – and I haven't heard a thing from her." _

_Maura's research with Amy had proven to be far more than just a side project. The more dedicated Maura became, the more time consuming it had become, until splitting her time between the station and their research had become next to impossible. It hadn't been an easy decision, but Jane could sense that after years and years of exclusively working on dead bodies, Maura was eager for a change. Though she knew Maura was passionate and eager to work with Amy, Amy's research was based in New York City, making traveling a frequent part of Maura's position. Jane hated resenting Maura's happiness, but it was far from easy having her so absent from their lives. _

_"Did you check to see if her flight was delayed?" Jenna asked, fiddling with her phone._

_"I was going to, but I couldn't remember her flight information. And I tried calling her about fifteen minutes ago, but she didn't answer."_

_"And she was supposed to rent a car and meet us here?" Jenna confirmed. _

_"That's the plan we discussed when we talked three days ago," Jane replied. _

_"Three days ago?" Jenna raised an eyebrow. _

_"What? We've both been busy…." Jane's mood was only becoming sourer by the moment, reminded that Maura had become inconsistent with their once daily phone calls or Skype sessions as she had become more and more buried in her work. She had always admired Maura's dedication, and it was a trait Jane had always shared in regards to her profession, but she felt wounded when it came at the expense of their relationship. _

_"Well, it starts in less than ten minutes, so I hope she's on her way." Jenna scrolled through her emails as she spoke. _

_Jane scowled. "I'm calling her again."_

_It rang three times before Maura answered, and her voice was distant and rushed. "Yes, Jane?"_

_"Where the hell are you?"_

_"In the lab, running test results. Where did you—"_

_Jane was incredulous as she interrupted her. "Fuck, Maura, so you mean to tell me you're not on your way?" _

_"On my way to –" Maura cut herself off. "Oh, goodness, it's Friday, isn't it?"_

_Jane let out a groan. "I can't believe you fucking forgot."_

_"I didn't – it's just that – Jane, you have to understand how incredibly busy it's been here and the amount of stress we've all been under—" Maura's voice was panicked, though apologetic as she attempted to justify herself._

_"This is our son's graduation, Maura! I don't care if you're on the brink of finding a cure for cancer or whatever! You should be here. You promised you were going to be here," Jane snapped, and her entire body quivered with rage. _

_"Jane, I'm so, so sorry," Maura's voice broke. "I'll see what other flights are leaving this after—"_

_"The ceremony starts in five fucking minutes! You missed your shot. You fucked up big time…." Jane spoke lividly. _

_"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, and –"_

_"Well sorry isn't going to cut it, Maura. Remember how you've always been so scared to turn out like your own mother? Well congratulations, I'd say it's safe to wager you're worse," she paused for a moment, her stomach dropping as she heard Maura whimper. She bit her lip, channeling her anger once again. "I've got to go now and watch my son graduate like a supportive parent." _

_Before Maura could reply, she tore the phone away from her ear, hitting the end button. She glanced at the screen for a minute, her hand quivering, before shutting it._

_"Well that certainly didn't go well," Jenna chewed on her lip nervously. _

_Jane only growled, ushering her daughter into the auditorium. _

XXX

_The dinner reservation Jane had made for Cody at P.F. Chang's was certainly not the celebratory dinner that she had planned. _

_Cody stared at his feet, slumped up against the side of the table, while Jenna munched nervously on the complimentary chow mein noodles. Jane's eyes were dark, her lips drawn into a thin line. None of them dared to speak. _

_"I am so, so sorry!" All three of them looked up simultaneously to see a frazzled Maura rushing toward their table. Her hair was frizzy from the humidity, and her smeared mascara indicated that she had been crying. "I know that apologizing is hardly going to fix my enormous mistake, but I'm here now," she offered, sitting down beside Cody. _

_"And I'm leaving," Jane stood from the table with a huff. _

_"Wait, Jane! Please don't go!" Maura begged, her eyes welling up again. _

_"I am not about to cause a scene here," Jane hissed, shooting Maura a heinous glare. She grabbed her blazer from the back of the chair, storming off without another word. _

_Cody glanced nervously toward his mother, licking his lips, in preparation to speak, when her tears spilled over quite suddenly, quickly turning into hacking sobs. _

_"Please excuse me," her voice came out in a blubbery wail as she made a beeline for the restroom. _

_"Well..." Jenna muttered, far from tactful in situations like these, as she munched on another noodle. _

_Cody let out a weary sigh, resuming his hunched position over the the table. _

_"Come on, you've got to stop that," Jenna let out a small whine, nudging the noodle bowl toward her brother. _

_"Stop what?" Cody turned his gaze. _

_"This," she waved her hand with a flourish. "This whole guilty, sullen thing you've got going, like you think this is all your fault."_

_He bit his lip. _

_"Seriously, kid? You really need me to spell it out for you?" He shrugged, continuing to look forlorn. "This couldn't be further from your fault. This all them."_

_"It was my graduation though," Cody mumbled._

_"Yeah, obviously you should have flunked out to prevent all of this," Jenna scoffed. She picked up a noodle, nudging it in Cody's direction. _

_He took it, chewing thoughtfully for a moment. "You think they're gonna be okay, Jen?"_

_Jenna leant her elbow up against the table, her tone now serious. "They're doing their best," she offered as hopefully as she could. _

_Cody slumped against the table again. "Yeah, but I wonder how long their 'best' is gonna cut it..."_

* * *

_A/N: But really I would love to know what you think. Honestly, any and all feedback is so, so appreciated. _


	9. You try until you can't

_A/N: Surprise, one more chapter before I head off to camp today :) I apologize that you'll have to wait for the next one until next weekend at the earliest. __I just want to thank you all for your trust and support so far. I know its been a very rocky ride, and while it may not seem like it, this marks the upward journey - you've been through the worst of it, and I promise it's only going to get better from here._

* * *

_Jane shifted impatiently from foot to foot as she hovered by the door, listening to the lingering echo of the doorbell reverberate in the hallway. She gulped in a breath, feeling her eyes sting with the inevitable tears she had done poorly at subduing today. Inhaling sharply once again, she commanded herself to rein them in. _

_The door clicked a moment later, warily edging open until Jane could make out the features of her daughter's face. "M-ma? What are you doing here?" She wore only a bathrobe, silk, thigh length, embroidered with a pattern of exotic flowers. Her golden curls tumbled down her chest, framing her face. She looked so much like Maura that it made Jane's chest hurt. _

_Jane swallowed sharply, pushing past the tears once again. "Your Mom and I just got divorced." The words, though well rehearsed and somewhat safe within the unspoken confines of her mind, now throttled her with a crippling force._

_"What? When?"_

_"Signed the damn papers this morning." Jane nudged herself over the threshold, despite not having an official welcome. _

_Jenna hovered by the door, though Jane was oblivious to her apprehensiveness. "Ma, I'm so, so sorry. Really, I am," she stepped toward her mother, resting a hand against her arm. "But I am a bit curious as to why a phone call wouldn't have sufficed. You do still have your own apartment, right?" She spoke, as if to make sure she wasn't putting her mother out, as she had driven all the way from Boston to Chicago._

_"Yeah, still got my place," Jane looked over at Jenna, feeling a little wounded at just how quickly she was being turned away. She had moved out of their - Maura's - home about a month ago, into a small apartment in the city to give them both some space. "But I just couldn't stand the idea of being alone tonight," her voice nearly cracked. "Plus, the drive gave me some time to cool off a little."_

_Jenna nodded, looking a little panicked as Jane ambled toward the kitchen. "Ma, I'm more than happy to have you here, but it is getting on the later side, so what if we put you up in a hotel room and we talk more about this tomorrow?"_

_"Jenna, honestly, am I that much of an inconve—"_

_She cut herself off as the sound of footsteps came from the bedroom next to the kitchen. A young man appeared, bare-chested, and with a wave of shock, Jane realized that his bottom half was just as naked. He spoke, unaware of Jane's presence for a fraction of a second. "Jen, you com—" his face widened in dread as he realized Jenna was not alone. "Jesus, babe, I thought you said it was the Jehovah's witnesses again! I didn't think you invited someone in…" He flailed for a minute, before snatching a sizable library book that rested on the edge of the counter, shielding himself poorly._

_"I said I _thought_, Matt," Jenna snapped. Jane watched Jenna's face flush miserably. Jane's eyes darted back the boy (not man. This disgusting thing in her daughter's kitchen was hardly worthy of the title). He was having quite difficultly covering himself, looking miserably vulnerable as he scooted himself back toward the bedroom. Jane stepped closer to her daughter, almost smug by the discomfort she was causing. "This is my mother."_

_"Oh, Christ!" Matt nearly dropped the book, his eyes broadening in horror. "Jen, I'm so sorry. I'll just be…I'll be in the bedroom." Taking the book with him, he disappeared quite quickly back into the confines of the bedroom. _

_Jane wheeled around, her amused expression suddenly morphing to one of anger. Jenna's face captured the look of panic with a hint of defiance that she had worn many times in her rebellious teenage years. _

_At last, Jane spoke, her voice loud and full of irritation. "Well, if I had known you'd be running a brothel, I would have thought twice about letting you move out here on your own." She eyed the bedroom, the door now shut tightly. Probably locked as well, Jane reasoned, though she would have no problem breaking it down if necessary. _

_"Ma…." Jenna groaned. "We weren't expecting anyone tonight—" She leaned up against the countertop, tugging her robe tighter against her body. _

_"Oh, so he lives here?"_

_"No…"_

_"Jenna…."_

_"Sometimes. He's new in town, so I've been letting him crash here," Jenna admitted sheepishly. _

_"New? Fantastic! So what, you've known him all of three days and you're already f—" Jane cut herself off this time. She couldn't even pertain the vulgar expression to her daughter._

_"Stop. Ma, I'm twenty-three years old—"_

_"Exactly! You've been alive for all of two decades, so I don't think you have the right to play the maturity card right now, young lady." Jane was now quivering with fury. Perhaps she was overreacting, but after all the anger, hurt, and frustration she had experienced today (and not to mention in the prior months) it felt good to suddenly have a new outlet. _

_"I live on my own. I have a great job with a good income. And I met Matt six months ago when he was in town visiting my friend, Sarah, and we've been talking ever since. He moved to Chicago two months ago, and he's been in between places, so yes, I've been letting him stay here quite a bit, until he finds something more permanent." Jenna defended, holding her head a little higher as she fought for justification. _

_Jane narrowed her eyes. "Which will inevitably be here. In my daughter's bed."_

_Jenna let out a frustrated sigh. "Can you, for just one minute, remember what it was like to be twenty-three-years old?_

_"Yes, I was a respectable Catholic virgin still living with my mother," Jane shot back at her daughter. _

_"Ma…"_

_She raised her voice again. "Jenna, my past experiences are hardly relevant to all this! I walk into your apartment, only to find a strange naked boy here, who you've failed to tell me you've been dating for six months!"_

_"First off, the fact that you waltzed into my apartment unannounced is our first problem here. This situation has gotten wildly out of hand – if we have been prepared for a visit—"_

_Jane cut her off. "Then he would have had time to, what, present himself like a human being, like he should be in the habit of doing every minute he's around my daughter?"_

_Jenna groaned loudly, running her hands through her hair. "Ma, it's after nine o'clock at night. No one rings the fucking doorbell unannounced this late at night. Would it kill you to at least try to remember what it's like to have a sex life?"_

_Jane's breath hitched. She narrowed her eyes lividly, the influx of pain much more raw and startling than she expected. _

_"Fuck, Ma….that's not what I meant…" Jenna's face paled considerably._

_Jane's stomach hurt too much to come up with a proper retort. _

_"Give me one minute to kick Matt out of here, and then I'm all yours, okay?" Jenna mumbled quietly in defeat. _

_"Really?" Jane looked up with a coy look on her face, though she did feel a tiny bit guilty. _

_"Yes, Ma. Just wait here. I won't be long…"_

_Jane put on her parental tone again. "No funny business, okay?"_

_Jenna disappeared with a huff. _

_Jane sat herself down on the couch, taking a moment to properly look around her daughter's apartment. She held Maura's refined sense of style, though the place still felt cozy and homey, especially with the piles of books she had scattered around the place, with no room to properly shelve them in her tiny home. _

_Jane heard a small shuffling from behind one of the piles, glancing at it suspiciously as a tiny black creature appeared. It let out a small mew, padding its feet softly against the carpet as it came to examine the unfamiliar visitor._

_"Hi, cat," Jane muttered, letting it sniff her boots. She brought her hand down towards it face, letting it sniff that as well. She heard muffled voices coming from behind her daughter's bedroom door, and she let out a sigh, feeling a bit overwhelmed at how tonight's events had panned out. With another huff of air, she picked up the cat, placing it onto her lap. The cat meowed loudly, as Jane continued to pet it, before it turned to sink its teeth into her hand quite severely._

_"Ouch," Jane hissed, shooing the cat away, examining the small, bloody marks left of on her hand. _

_A moment later, the bedroom door clicked open. Jenna and Matt filed out, now both fully clothed. Jenna gripped her boyfriend's arm, leading him toward the couch, where they stopped in front of Jane. "Ma, I know that I didn't do this right the first time, but can we try again. This is Matt, my boyfriend." The boy waved hesitantly._

_Jane rose from the couch, extending her hand. _

_"And this is my mother – well one of my mothers. My Ma," Jenna settled on, still looking flushed. _

_Jane hooked her thumbs into her pockets, shooting him an intentionally threatening glare. "If I find out that there's a reason my daughter has failed to mention you until now, you'd better start watching your back, kid."_

_"Yes, Mrs…err," he fumbled, and Jane concluded that Jenna had debriefed him on the reason for her sudden visit. "I mean, Ms. Rizzoli. Ma'am," he added for good measure. "I promise I'm taking good care of your daughter."_

_Jane only let out a small snort. Jenna narrowed her gaze at her. Jane rolled her eyes, but she spoke politely to appease the two. "It was nice meeting you, Matt."_

_"You too, ma'am," he muttered, looking desperately toward the front door. _

_"I'll see you tomorrow, Matt," Jenna granted him his leave, kissing him quickly on the cheek. Jane watched him scamper toward the door. _

_She plopped herself back down on the couch, as Jenna took the chair opposite her. They sat in stony silence for a moment, neither of them quite ready to let their guard down just yet. _

_It was Jane who finally broke the silence, her words sarcastic, though there was a forgiving tone in her voice. "Well, he seemed well-endowed, at least from what I can remember…"_

_"Ugh, Ma, please, can we talk about your divorce?" Jenna buried her face in her hands. _

_Jane's smirk faded. She shifted on the couch, before exhaling a drawn out sigh. "There's really not much to say."_

_"I thought you guys were still trying to work things out." Jenna fiddled with her fingers nervously._

_"We were," Jane assured her. "We really were. But things just have really just gone to shit." They hadn't really been able to resolve things after the big blow out at Cody's graduation, though it had been several months ago. Though they had both tossed around the painful concept of divorce, especially after they had separated, it had been Maura who had eventually drawn up the papers, tired and weary of their futile efforts. "Maybe I've been too harsh on her, but it's been tough, you know? And we haven't been able to fall back into any sort of rhythm – and if you thought we fought a lot before, you ain't seen nothin'." Jane kept her tone light, but her insides clenched as she spoke. _

_"I'm sorry, Ma," Jenna's words felt sincere for the first time that night. _

_Jane dared to continue on. "Things went pretty down hill when I accused her of having an affair with Amy."_

_"Shit…" Jenna breathed. _

_Jane looked down at her hands. "Of course she wasn't – you know she can't lie for shit, but I knew all along she wasn't. It was just another excuse to get angry…another excuse to try to let her know how hurt I was feeling. This just hasn't been working out for so long now." She chewed on her lip, pushing back tears once again. "Sometimes I wonder how we even made it this far."_

_"It's gonna be okay," Jenna's voice was soft, as she spoke the only words she could think to. _

_Jane was silent for a minute, as she focused on the task of breathing, until she was certain she could speak without crying. "So I see you got a cat." She had exhausted the topic of her divorce for now; perhaps she'd have more to say later, but for now, she tucked the subject away. _

_Jenna laughed lightly, though it was somewhat forced. "Yeah...Matt picked him up at the shelter a few weeks ago, so I wouldn't be lonely when he wasn't here."_

_Jane made a face, refusing to acknowledge the gesture as sweet. "Well, it's not a very nice cat." She held up her hand, displaying her new scabs. _

_"No, certainly not," Jenna agreed. _

_"Does it have a name?" Jane watched the cat peek out from behind the books once again. _

_"They were calling him Mr. Fuzz down at the shelter - but we've taken to calling him things like 'that darn cat.' Matt even cleverly calls him 'Saddam Pussein.'"  
_

_Jane reluctantly let out a small laugh. _

_"I prefer not to skirt around the issue, so I merely call him 'Satan,'" Jenna finished with a laugh of her own._

_The pair was silent for a moment. "You should've just gotten a dog."_

_Jenna shrugged. "He has character. I may not be able to cuddle him, but I'm growing strangely fond of him."_

_They were quiet again; Jane pulled her knees up to her chest, licking her lips again, as she tugged her eyes away from her daughter's. A moment later, she felt the couch cushion sink in beside her, as she felt Jenna's arm snake around her frame. "You can stay here as long as you need to, Ma," Jenna offered, leaning her head up against her mother's shoulder._

_Jane nodded against her, reaching to clasp her daughter's hand in her own, no further words necessary. _

XXX

Jenna was up before Cody the following morning, feeling fresh and rejuvenated as she entered the kitchen.

"Another fancy breakfast for us?" she smiled, stepping over to kiss her mother on the cheek as Maura flipped the bacon on the stove. "And with real bacon, not turkey bacon. You're really spoiling us."

"My children deserve the best," she smiled, as Jenna stepped away, pulling a mug out from the cabinet. She poured herself a sizable portion of coffee.

"Will you and Cody be visiting the hospital again today?" Maura asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Jenna sipped her coffee, taking in a breath. "Yeah, she get's discharged today, so I think we're gonna go help her get settled at her place."

Maura nodded, though Jenna could only see the back of her head, making her expression unreadable.

Jenna carried her coffee over the barstools, when the loud buzzing of her phone interrupted her. With a small frown, she accepted the call. "Hello."

Maura turned from her post at the stove, watching her daughter curiously.

"This is she," Jenna spoke, stepping toward the hallway as she took her mysterious call.

Maura lowered her spatula, hovering a fair distance away from her daughter.

"Yes. We'll be there as soon as we can." She hung up the phone.

Her face was ghostly pale, making Maura's stomach tighten. "Who was that?"

It took Jenna a moment to find her voice. "That was the hospital. They said Ma developed a blood clot - something about the medication she was taking and a clotting factor they were unaware of. I don't know, they were talking so fast." Maura's face now matched Jenna's. Her knees felt weak as she leaned up against the countertop. "They have her back in surgery now."

Maura's knuckles grew white as she gripped the edge of the countertop. The smell of burning bacon now wafted from the kitchen. "What kind of clot? Did they tell you the location? And how severe is it?" she spouted off, her voice an octave too high.

Jenna licked her lips, her voice cracking over her words. "Mom...I...they were talking so fast with terms I didn't really understand. I-I don't know. I just don't know."

Maura inhaled deeply, holding back the tears that her daughter could not. "Go wake your brother." Jenna wiped her tears, nodding in her mother's direction, as Maura regained her composure. "We're leaving for the hospital now."


	10. But I will hold on hope

_A/N: I apologize for the wait. I've been busy packing to head back to school, and it took me a little while longer to immerse myself back in this universe than I expected. A little shorter than my other chapters, but I wanted to post something before I get swept into the craziness of moving later today. Thanks again for all your feedback!_

* * *

_"Two _near death experiences, only days apart! Are you trying to give your mother a heart attack?" Angela's words jabbed sharply through the dull chatter that surrounded Jane's room.

"Ma…" Maura heard the familiar whine escape Jane's lips, as she stood across the hall, a few feet away from the door. She could imagine Jane's face all too well - her classic eye roll, her forehead knitted in frustration. Maura let her eyes close for a moment, forcing herself to inhale a breath.

"Mom?"

Her eyes shot open, assaulted by Jenna's concerned face, as she held two cups of steaming coffee in her grasp. Maura coaxed her lips into a small smile.

"You doing okay?" Jenna nudged one of the Styrofoam cups in her grasp in Maura's direction.

Maura accepted the beverage, letting the warmth penetrate through her palms. She took a slow sip, the bitter fluid settling in her stomach. She spoke when her words were true. "I'm fine."

"You gonna go in there?" Jenna's words were neither encouraging nor discouraging – they were merely lined with curiosity, and perhaps a small hint of hope, though Maura didn't dwell too deeply on the assumption.

Maura took another sip, her stomach now in knots. "I don't know." She allowed herself a small peak past the door, the rest of the family swarmed around Jane's bed. Jane didn't need her. Not anymore.

"You should go in and visit with her, though," Maura prompted her daughter, though her voice was hollow. She filled her throat with another large sip, the sudden tightness making it difficult for her to swallow.

She felt Jenna's hand rest lightly against her arm. "I think we have a few more days before she tries to die on us again, so I'm okay staying out here with you."

Maura's throat clenched so tightly now that she couldn't speak. She took in a few breaths, nodding appreciatively. It wasn't often she saw Jenna so soft, so caring, and for all the times she worried that she had never been there quite enough, it was moments like these that reminded her that she and Jane had somehow managed to raise two phenomenal children.

"How about we go sit in the waiting room for a bit?" Jenna offered, nodding toward the end of the hall.

Maura followed, nearly collapsing against the chair as she let the tenseness seep away from her body. With a trembling hand, she brought her coffee back to her lips. Maura did not question her decision to come here today, though the impulsiveness of it had left her unprepared.

It had been nearly five years now.

It was hardly even a fraction of her life, but these years had dragged by in a way she could only remember them doing so in her childhood. They had talked a few times, mostly to arrange with whom Cody would be staying over breaks, but even those conversations had faded away until contact between the two became a foreign concept. She felt a pang in her gut when she could not even recall the last time that they had conversed.

She looked over at Jenna, who looked just as lost in thought as she sipped her own drink. Maura reached over, resting her hand lightly against Jenna's leg. She startled lightly, before finding Maura's eyes, her gaze reassuring. She nudged her hand into Maura's, giving it a small squeeze.

"Everything's going to be okay, Mom," she spoke softly.

Maura nodded, leaving her hand nestled in Jenna's for a moment, letting herself believe her words.

XXX

Maura was back at her post by the door, a third cup of coffee in her grasp, which she had only poured herself to give her hands a task to carry out. She took another sip, clinging tightly to the cup, though it was now almost empty.

Everyone had left with the exception of Angela and her two children, and only Angela now remained in the room. She heard pieces of their conversation, theirs voices low and sporadic.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

Maura lifted her head to see a young nurse standing in front of her. _Change of shift, _she surmised, as the other nurses had taken to giving her polite smiles at an appropriate distance while she kept herself planted at her post.

"No, I'm fine, thank you," Maura spoke softly, fixing her gaze back on her coffee. In her peripheral line of view, she saw the nurse nod, leaving her be. With a sigh, Maura drained her cup, feeling anxious and useless.

"Hey, Mom." She watched Jenna appear from around the corner, Cody following a few feet behind. "Cody's about ready to raid the vending machine, so I'm gonna take him to get something to substantial to eat." Maura nodded her consent, waiting for an invitation she was prepared to decline. "I'm gonna go see if I can convince Nonna to come with us, too," Jenna added.

Maura's stomach flopped in surprise, not quite prepared for events to pan out this way, though she silently thanked her daughter for giving her the necessary boost of courage. Angela's voice grew louder for a moment as she protested Jenna's invitation, but she appeared in the doorway a moment later, offering Maura a small, encouraging smile before she disappeared with her grandchildren.

Maura felt nauseous, the empty doorway suddenly threatening. Her feet remained cemented to the floor for a good minute before she inhaled deeply, forcing herself into a confident gait, though she staggered slightly as she crossed over the threshold.

Her eyes fell on Jane, her face sallow in the dimmed lighting. She looked spent, a bit faded, though she saw her eyes spark in a familiar manner as the two made eye contact. Maura fiddled with the empty Styrofoam cup in her hand, picking pieces off the brim.

"Trash can's over by the other side of the bed," Jane finally spoke, her voice rough and guarded.

Maura nodded, her pace slow as she crossed the room, letting the cup slip from her grasp. She flexed her fingers, suddenly wishing she still had something to hold. She stepped toward Jane's bed, taking in a small breath. "I'd really prefer if this doesn't turn into a screaming match of some sorts." Maura figured it was best to do damage control before she she was faced with a potential mess.

"Well, you're in luck, because I'm really not feeling up for any screaming today. Maybe if you come back tomorrow I'll feel differently." Her tone was light, though still slightly bitter.

Maura licked her lips nervously. "Are you feeling all right?"

Jane shrugged. "I'm tired, but other than that, I'm okay I guess. I think the worst has passed."

Maura nodded, letting these words alleviate her some of her concern. "I'm glad you're okay." Her voice sounded small. She wished she could think of something else to say.

"Me too," Jane muttered. "Guess that's one thing we still have in common." Her tone was more melancholy than biting, startling Maura. "Is that why you're here, Maura?" She added quickly. "To see if I'd be okay?"

Maura nodded, though the words that suddenly spilled from her lips did not match her response. "I'm here because I miss you."

They both breathed in the heavy silence for a moment.

"Still can't tell a lie, I see." Jane's lips curved into a half smile.

Maura looked down at her hands, her cheeks now pink. Though she felt vulnerable, a sense of relief washed over her as years of tension began to melt away. _Do you miss me, too? _she wanted to ask, though she could not form the words, let alone prepare herself for an undesired response.

"If I pass out, don't take it personally," Jane muttered, shifting slightly. Her head flopped against her pillow. "It's been a hell of a day, and my Ma has the best intentions, but she doesn't give you much of a break."

Maura nodded, though still unsure what to say. She positioned herself delicately in the chair beside the bed, the silence now more comfortable now, watching Jane's eyes flutter, fighting slumber.

"I'm not going anywhere," Maura promised softly, a warm feeling suddenly pooling in her stomach.

Jane nodded, a breath escaping her lips. Her voice was so soft that Maura almost missed her words. "I'm glad you're here."


	11. Take all the courage you have left

_A/N: I'm awful, I know. Feel free to yell at me because my updating habits have been atrocious lately. But I had some difficulty with where I wanted to take this chapter. But more about that later. _

* * *

_She was laughing. _

_It was a strange sound, an odd sensation, bubbling pleasantly in her throat, though it was followed by a dull ache, the feeling almost too overwhelming for her to handle. _

_"Maura, I must say, I am pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable this has been so far." She met the other woman's eyes, the hint of seduction settling tensely in Maura's stomach. _

_"As am I, Dr. Hannaford. I can't say I've had many successful set ups," Maura agreed, taking a sip of her wine. As she replaced her glass on the table, she reached to touch her hair, more concerned with her appearance then she had been only a moment ago. Though she had a natural care and concern for her presentation, it had been quite awhile since she had had someone to impress, and suddenly she was feeling very old and inexperienced. _

_"Please, Maura, call me Jenna," the woman spoke again, sipping her own dark wine, a great contrast to her creamy skin. _

_"I apologize," Maura quickly amended. She paused a moment before delving into an explanation, leaving the safe grounds of innocent flirtation as the conversation turned more personal. "I have a daughter named Jenna, and I suppose I'm feeling just tiny bit unsettled being on date with a woman who shares a name with her." She tried to laugh again, but this time, it caught in her throat. _

_"Ah, leave it up to an uncomfortable coincidence to ruin the mood," she laughed lightly. "At least I don't share a name with your ex-wife, though I don't suppose Amy would been so eager to set us up if that had been the case…" Maura nearly choked on her bite of salmon. Until now, they had pleasantly skirted around the topic of her divorce, though she had assumed that Amy had told the other woman something about it. She certainly wasn't ready to discuss it with a stranger, however. "Anyway," she continued. "For the sake of avoiding any more unnecessary awkwardness, it might just be easier if you call me Jen."_

_"Yes, Jen it is," Maura forced a smile. "So, do you have any children?" She breathed out a small sigh. _

_"I don't," Jen answered. "I've been in a few pretty committed relationships over the years, where we did toss around the idea of parenthood, but the timing was never right. And, as you know, giving our…situation," she laughed lightly again, "having children definitely is a commitment and a process – and it just never really did work out for me. I have always been a fan of kids though. How old is your daughter?"_

_Maura finished chewing a carrot slice. "Jenna is twenty-four, and I also have a son – Cody. He'll be nineteen soon. So they're hardly children anymore," Maura clarified. "It's still feels strange some days to me, having two adult children…and I know this phrase is so worn out by parents, but sometimes I do wonder where all the time has gone…"_

_"Hey, you don't have to be a mother to feel that way." Jen reached across the table, touching Maura's hand lightly. Though it was a subtle, natural action, Maura's skin burned for a moment, letting herself settle into the touch. "I mean, I never expected to be here, nearly sixty years old, still going through this whole first date drill just like the good ol' high school days," she laughed, but it was unconvincing. Maura stroked her hand lightly with the pad of her thumb, relaying her empathy. "So I wonder that a lot as well – where's the time gone? Why am I more than halfway done with my life and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing with it?"_

_They were silent. The dull chatter of the restaurant around them suddenly sounded louder. Maura's throat felt unbearably tight, wondering how her stomach had gone from butterflies to feeling as though a rock was lodged there in a matter of minutes. _

_"I apologize," Jen muttered, withdrawing her hand. "I didn't mean for this conversation to take on such a serious tone – or for me to sound so desperate…" She twirled a forkful of pasta around on her plate. _

_"No, no, don't apologize," Maura quickly spoke. "I'd be lying if I didn't feel the same way. It took much convincing on Amy's part to get me to agree to the setup in the first place. Honestly, the last thing a woman of this age wants to be doing is throwing herself back into the dating pool. It's frustrating, humiliating even…and frankly, it is nice to have found someone who feels the same." She offered Jen a sincere smile._

_Jen's face noticeably relaxed. The silence the passed between them was comfortable this time, as their apprehension alleviated. "So, tell me more about your research, Maura..."_

XXX

_Maura's hand felt cold as it rested against the leather couch cushion in Jen's apartment, waiting in stifling silence as Jen prepared a glass of wine for her in the kitchen._

_"Here you go," Jen appeared a moment later, handing Maura a glass of Merlot. _

_She joined Maura on the couch, leaving only a small distance between them. Maura's stomach jumped, and she quickly sipped her wine, attempting to soothe her nerves. Jen slowly took a gulp of her beverage as well, before placing it on the adjacent coffee table. Maura clung to her own glass for a moment, her heart slamming against her chest, so panicked and erratic that she could not tell if dread or desire fueled it. __She found Jen's eyes, dark, lustful, anticipatory. Maura's hand clenched her glass tighter, before her eyes darted away from Jen's, landing on the coaster on the table. _

_Jen scooted closer. _

_Her black hair fell in thick curls around her neck, a contrast to her pale skin, which Maura noted for it's excellent condition, especially considering her age. She was a beautiful woman - a beautiful woman who wanted Maura. The delicate wine glass was her only barrier, as Maura tried to make sense of the heat rushing through her body. _

_Jen moved her body closer, their knees now touching. She brought her hand down to bare skin of Maura's knee, letting it rest there in heavy warmth. __Maura brought her wine to her lips, sipping it in unintentional seductiveness. She felt Jen's hand wander farther up her leg. She let out a small, involuntary moan._

_Jen held out her hand, beckoning the wine glass from her grasp. Maura watched carefully as Jen placed it on its designated coaster, feeling small, vulnerable, and horribly displaced from the situation. It had been over twenty-five years since she'd last been on a first date and almost two years now since she'd even kissed anyone. Never had she felt so wildly inexperienced in such a scenario. _

_Jen was eager, but not to the point of rushing. She was careful, gaging the reaction she wanted as she pressed circles against Maura's thigh with her thumb, licking her wine stained lips and smiling in triumph as Maura eyes became fixated on them._

_Jen closed the distance between them. _

_Maura let her kiss her for a moment, unable to reciprocate as her body coped with the electrifying spark that flew through her. It had been so long since she had been touched, and she ached for it more than she had realized. She brought her hands up to tangle in Jen's hair, breathing a small whimper into her open mouth. Jen's lips attacked her neck, and with her hand, she danced her fingers further up her thigh. Maura tensed as she felt a heat blaze between her legs, becoming lost in the dizzying mess of pleasure. Her mind slipped deep within itself, letting the external factors of her world slip away as she lost herself in the primal world of pure satisfaction. _

_Perhaps hours had passed, she thought as each tiny moan slipped from her lips. Perhaps only seconds, she attempted to reason, moving her body in rhythm against the other woman's, her fingers clenched tightly in her hair. She felt a hand press up against her, lost beneath the barrier of her dress. _

_"Ohhh," she breathed, pressing against it. Her mind plunged deeper into oblivion. __"J-" the rest of the word came out so muffled that the other woman thought nothing of it, but Maura felt her throat tighten, her stomach clench, and suddenly Jen's lips seared against Maura's neck, her mind becoming agonizingly alert. The name that had slipped from her lips did not match this woman's. _

_"I can't..." Maura tried to speak, squirming away from Jen's touch. She cleared her throat, gathering clarity. "I can't do this."_

_Jen's lips slowed, withdrawing her body enough so that Maura no longer felt suffocated. "Hey, hey, we'll take it slow," she murmured, reaching to touch Maura's hair lightly. "I know it can take time to get back into the game."_

_But Maura shook her head vigorously. "Jen, you're a fantastic woman...and tonight was perfect," she spoke reassuringly. "But I can't do this. I thought I was ready, but I'm not." She pulled away, the chilliness left by the absent of Jen's body surprisingly refreshing. "I'll...I'll call you," she muttered unconvincingly, picking up her purse from the floor. She tried to smile, but the wounded expression on Jen's startled face left her stomach in knots.  
_

_Once out of the building, she took in a large breath of air, fighting tears. _

XXX

"You're still here."

Jane spoke the words as she surfaced to consciousness, bleary-eyed, her voice still thick with slumber.

"I promised I'd stay," Maura emphasized, the words firm on her lips, though her voice was significantly smaller as she added. "Unless you'd rather I go."

"No, no," Jane fought to make her voice nonchalant, but Maura could see the panic in her eyes. She dispelled to urge to take Jane's hand in her own. "It's fine you're here. I mean, I'm glad you're here," she spoke the words again, this time with more clarity. "I figured I'd have to sever an artery or something to get you back here again." She let out a stifled laugh. Maura involuntarily smiled, not realizing just how much she had missed Jane's sardonic sense of humor until now. "It's nice to see you, Maur, really. It's been too long."

"Yes, it has been..." Maura agreed, though she knew to tread lightly, knowing that one small slip-up could send this pleasant exchange spiraling out of control.

"You been good?" Jane asked, her voice still somewhat guarded.

"Yes, I've been _well,_" Maura automatically corrected, smiling get again as Jane rolled her eyes. Though they were being careful, years apart had done nothing to inhibit their natural banter. It reminded Maura that not only had she lost her wife, but she had lost her best friend, and that perhaps was the most painful realization of all.

Maura continued, "I would ask you the same, but considering your current situation, I do believe I have my answer."

Jane scoffed. "Yeah, but you know me...gotta get myself into a few life threatening scrapes every now and then. Keep things interesting."

"Yes, unfortunately, I do know..." Maura mused, though her heart felt sore thinking about all the times she had almost lost Jane, only to have her brush it off with her humor. She supposed by now she should think Jane invincible, though she knew as soon as she let herself believe the notion, she'd lose her faster than she could blink.

They sat in silence for a moment. It wasn't that they didn't have anything to say, but rather, they didn't quite know where to even begin.

"So Cody and Jenna said you weren't seeing anyone...but I gotta say, I was a little curious to ask you myself..." Jane spoke abruptly, and Maura had to wonder just how long she had been holding the words on the tip of her tongue. She felt a hint of pride coarse through her as she processed Jane's curiosity, perhaps underlined with a hint of jealousy.

"Well, that was certainly an abrupt change in topic," Maura spoke a bit mystically. She raised an eyebrow, enjoying Jane's look of discomfort a little too much.

"That doesn't sound very promising," Jane spoke skeptically. The jealousy was apparent now. It almost surprised Maura, though her smugness faded, ultimately leaving her feeling drenched in regret.

"No, Jane. There's no one," she assured her. "And there hasn't been anyone. If it helps, you can take solace in my spinsterhood."

Jane didn't speak, and Maura watched the tension on her face ease. "There hasn't been anyone for me either," she finally spoke, though Maura hadn't asked. "Frost and Frankie tried a couple 'a times to set me, but they were all, of course, awful. Never been able to tolerate anyone as good as I did you, I guess...but then look how even that turned out..." Jane's voice was suddenly bitter. She turned her eyes away from Maura, though Maura could feel the inadequacy radiating off her.

Maura licked her lips timidly. "What happened to us, Jane?" she spoke quietly. She reached out to touch Jane's fingers gently with the tips of her own.

Jane looked down at their hands for a moment, before she answered. "We got busy, you know. Life got in the way. I guess we kinda just fell out of love." But she tilted hand, nestling Maura's snugly in hers.

There were new wrinkles on Jane's hands, Maura noticed as she dragged her thumb lightly against Jane's skin, and suddenly she wanted the chance to memorize each one of them. _The problem with that, _she thought with a heavy exhale, _is that I never stopped loving you._

* * *

_A/N: Talk about an awkward date, yo. Though I was imagining Lana Parrilla as Jen the whole time so there is that...But really, I was nervous even including this, because I worried that it might take away from the Rizzles in this chapter, but I really did want to emphasize just how committed Maura has stayed to Jane despite all this heartache. She's not the sexual, one night stand Maura we see on the show. I was tempted to make her revert back to her old ways to fill the void, but I think it just shows how being with Jane has changed Maura and her views about sex and love. What she has with Jane is special, and even at her lowest point, she can't forget that. Also I figured including this flashback this chapter opened the door for me doing a Jane centric one next chapter, because we really haven't seen much post-divorce Jane yet. Thanks for reading. You guys are the best, and I love hearing what you think._


	12. Always one foot on the ground

_"Jane!"_

_Fuck. _

_Jane burrowed deeper under the blankets, forming a physical barrier against her mother's shrill voice. She closed her eyes, as if the action could somehow expel her mother from her apartment. Why the hell had she even given her a key in the first place?_

_"Jane!" _

_Maybe if she stayed quiet enough, her mother world eventually tire of playing Marco Polo and leave Jane to continue her self-pitying in peace._

_"JANE!" _

_She winced, creeping farther under the covers._

_"Forgetting something today?" Angela's voice was much too loud as she threw open Jane's bedroom door, speaking to the lump under the covers. _

Jesus, _Jane thought, practically growling as she shoved her face into the comforter, her body spent and aching. _Of course I didn't fucking forget, and I don't need you here to remind me –

_"Say something," Angela hissed, her voice still carrying too much volume, though she was no longer addressing Jane – that much was obvious. Jane peeked out from under the covers, realizing that Angela was not alone. _

_"Hi, Mom," Cody waved awkwardly as Jane peered through the tunnel she had constructed. _

_Oh. _

_Angela looked smug as Jane's expression morphed from one of bewilderment to one of guilt._

_"You were supposed to pick him up three hours ago," Angela spoke matter-of-factly. "But he was unable to get ahold of you." Jane's eyes darted to her nightstand, where her cell phone rested, the screen black and the battery drained. "And you even tried the station, right, sweetie?" At this comment, Cody shrugged quickly, he cheeks turning pink as his eyes found Jane's, attempting to relay his apology. It was so much like Cody to try to take the blame himself, even when someone else was clearly at fault. "Anyway, he finally called me, and I was more than happy to get him. But honestly, Jane, this kind of behavior is just deplorable…and why weren't you at work, anyway?" Angela's tone had become suspicious. _

_"Took the day off," Jane murmured, feeling more miffed than apologetic at this point. _

_"You've known for weeks that Cody's spring break started this weekend," Angela countered, her tone indignant and unamused. _

_"I got the stomach flu last night," Jane lied as pitifully as she could manage, widening her large eyes. "I puked my guts out so violently that I couldn't remember what my name was, let alone what day it was."_

_"I didn't know you were sick," Angela muttered, her voice a bit softer. _

_"Neither did I until about twelve hours ago," Jane edged in. _

_"You should have called," Angela finished. _

_"Ma..." Jane groaned. "I'm a grown woman. Let me vomit in peace."_

_"Do you want me to take Cody back to my house until you're feeling a little better?" Angela offered, her tone sympathetic now. _

_The wide, panicked look Cody shot her gave her provided her with her answer. _

_"I think Cody will be fine, Ma. He probably has some high school friends he wants to catch up with anyway, so he won't have to stay in this germ pit for long. Isn't that right, kiddo?" She raised an eyebrow. _

_Cody nodded vigorously, before shooting Jane an appreciative smile. "Thanks for dropping me off though, Nonna." Cody turned to his grandmother, stepping into a side hug. "I appreciate it."_

_"Of course, sweetheart," Angela smiled, kissing Cody's cheek. "You let me know if you need anything, okay?"_

_He saw her to the door, leaving Jane in her cocoon, glad to have rid herself of her mother, but feeling especially guilty that she had, in fact, forgotten her son. _

_He lumbered back into view moments later, hovering by the door frame. Once again, his face was full of reassurance that she didn't deserve. _

_She crawled out from her nest of blankets, looking sheepish as she pushed her tangled hair away from her face. "I'm so sorry, Cody."_

_"Don't be, Ma," he answered too quickly. "It all worked out just fine. I'm not mad."_

_"I know," Jane huffed, getting an unpleasant whiff of her arm pits as she smoothed down the comforter, about reading to ask Cody to join her, but the state of the bed and herself left the offer pressed back in her throat. "I wish you'd get mad," she added. "It'd be normal. Because what I did today was shit."_

_"Ma..." Cody warned. _

_Jane let out a disgruntled noise. "Okay, let me do this then. Give me twenty minutes to shower and make myself look like a human being again, and then I'll take you out to dinner, anywhere you want." She watched Cody open his mouth, but she edged back in just in time, "You have no choice about this, so don't even think about refusing. Make it somewhere good, okay?"_

_XXX_

_The mouthwatering scent of pancakes wafted down the hall as Jane emerged from the shower. She threw on a tank and pair of pants, running her hand through her wet curls as she padded down the hall to the kitchen, where Cody stood hovering over the stove. _

_"Cody..." she tutted in a disapproving manner, learning up against the countertop as he turned around in surprise. _

_His cheeks turned pink. "No protesting," he spoke firmly, his lip curling into small smile. "I picked what I wanted for dinner, so I don't want to hear any complaining from you...here," he added, taking a piece of foil off the plate by the stove. "For you."_

_Jane stepped away from the counter, looking at the misshapen pancakes in front of her, though she could most definitely make out the bunny shapes._

_"I'm not as good as Nonna is," he apologized. "But I did my best."_

_Jane almost started to cry, the gesture so heartbreakingly simple and sweet. Bunny pancakes had become an unspoken form of comfort in the Rizzoli-Isles household over the years. While they had originally been Angela's treat, Jenna had grown so fond of them that Maura had started making them for her when she had big events coming up at school, or when she'd come home after a particularly grueling day. In turn, Cody and Jenna had made them at various times for their mothers as well. The tradition may have been childish, but the bunny pancakes were always a token of good luck, encouragement, and comfort. _

_"But what about my flu?" Jane spoke, her voice a little gruff, unable to handle the influx of emotion in a serious manner just yet._

_"It's not your stomach that's sick, Ma," Cody countered with a knowing glance. He turned off the stove, the last of the pancakes finished. He handed her a fork, nodding them in the direction of the cluttered kitchen table. _

_Jane tossed a copy of Sports Illustrated aside, making space for her plate. She looked down at her food for a brief moment, before wolfing down an entire pancake within seconds._

_"Was my lie that obvious?" she spoke with her mouth full, letting the warm treat settle in her stomach. _

_"Nonna may have forgotten what today is, but I didn't," he spoke softly. He took a bite of his own pancakes, watching Jane nudge hers placidly. _

_She said nothing. _

_"It would have been twenty-five years today," Cody acknowledged what Jane would not. _

_Jane's eyes watered as she stared down at her pancakes, stirring her crumbs into a syrupy soup. "It's still no excuse for forgetting to come get you," Jane spoke quickly, inhaling another large bite of her remaining pancake. "When I saw the weekend your fall break began, it didn't register to me that you'd need picked up on Friday...and what the fucking date for Friday was," she growled. She hated that she'd been reduced to such pity, when she vowed she would not. She hated how Cody - sweet Cody - fell through the cracks unintentionally, but continued to hold his head high. _

_She hated that her life had become this._

_"I understand, Ma...this hasn't been easy for any of us, and it's okay that you can't always hold it together. I promise I'm not mad, and I'm not going to hold some vendetta against you and Mom for forgetting the big stuff from time to time..."_

_Jane reached for Cody's hand across the table. "Yeah, but I don't want you to start expecting disappointment. It isn't fair to you - even though things are shit right now, I'm gonna do better, okay?"_

_Cody squeezed her hand. "I love you, kay?"_

_"You're such a good kid," Jane's mouth curved into a smile, at last genuine and unforced. She realized that perhaps she hadn't lost everything. _

XXX

"So are you as surprised by this arrangement as I am?" Jenna raised an eyebrow as she slid the key into the lock, listening to the door click open.

Cody shrugged. "Is it really our place to think anything about it?"

"Come on, kid, you're allowed to have an opinion," Jenna rolled her eyes, flicking on the lights. She wrinkled her nose as the musty scent clinging to the apartment that assaulted her nostrils. The living room was cluttered and unkempt, and the lack of organization filled Jenna with an itchy sense of anxiety. "You can stop playing the saint in this family."

"You do realize you trained me to be this way, right?" Cody smirked in Jenna's direction, plowing through the mess in the direction of the bedroom. "The minute you forced me into a dress at age one to play princesses with you basically determined my submissive nature for my entire life. I never had to make a decision or had a right to an opinion because that wasn't an option with you."

Jenna snorted, stepping over the doorframe into the bedroom, which was quite possibly worse than the living room. "Fair enough. But really...you think this means something? Did we unintentionally Parent Trap them?"

"Just like you, taking all the credit," Cody bent down to his knees, digging an old suitcase out from under the bed and tossing it onto the unmade bed. "And do I think it goes beyond convenience? Yeah, maybe a little...they are the queens of tortured gazes and un-proclaimed self-pity. They aren't fooling anyone into thinking they got over each other. I think Ma staying with Mom is definitely a step in a more hopeful direction."

"How are we supposed to find anything for her to wear in this mess?" Jenna huffed, pinching a dirty sock between her thumb and pointer, flinging it in a disgusted manner across the room. She was already anxious to leave the horrors of Jane's apartment and return to the immaculate interior of Maura's home. "And yes, that much is obvious. They never did move on, yet, their relationship has always just a been big, shitty mess...why does love have to be so fucked up?" Jenna muttered wistfully, tossing a few wrinkled button ups into the suitcase.

"Speaking of love, I found your phone wedged between the couch cushions this morning," Cody noted, finding a pair of fairly clean sweat pants to add to the suitcase. "You had like twenty missed calls from Matt."

Jenna groaned loudly. "Please tell me you were a good little brother and hurled my phone violently out the window."

"Your life is on that phone," Cody raised an eyebrow. "I'm starting to think I should be concerned...are things that bad with Matt right now?" he inquired softly. Jenna watched his cheeks turn pink in customary Cody fashion.

"Ugh..." she wrinkled her nose, finding the pair of worn boots Jane had requested. "No. Things aren't going poorly. In fact, things are going quite well. Too well, maybe. I don't know." She found a pile of clean underwear that had seen better days, adding them to the suitcase.

Cody hummed thoughtfully, tossing in a few pairs of socks.

"What?" Jenna demanded.

"Nothing."

"Cody..."

"Nope."

"You have to tell me now. You can't get away with acting coy this time," Jenna begged.

"Really, it's nothing but an innocent - perhaps even inaccurate - observation," Cody mumbled.

"And if you don't inform me of it, I may die from anticipation on the spot," Jenna huffed dramatically.

Cody spoke carefully, zipping up the hastily packed suitcase. "Well, you said things are going well, which usually is an indication of things being good - yet you're running from the situation."

"And?" Jenna prodded.

"Could it be that you're frightened of making a commitment because of what a train wreck our mothers' relationship turned to be?" Cody averted his gaze away from Jenna, slinging the suitcase over his shoulder.

Jenna was quiet for a minute, though she spoke with stubbornness when she finally addressed him. "Now why would their relationship have anything to do with this? I'm capable of making my own decisions, and just because they fucked up their lives doesn't mean I'm gonna do the same to mine." She let out a small puff of air. "Come on, let's go."

XXX

_Thump. _

Jane bit back a profanity, as her good leg slammed against the corner of the coffee table. Maneuvering this damn wheelchair was more difficult than she had expected.

"Jane?" Maura's voice carried over from the kitchen. "What was that?"

"Just plowed over your turtle, no biggie," Jane spoke nonchalantly as she backed away from the table, though a wolfish grin crossed her lips.

She waited a small moment before she heard the panicked sound of Maura's feet patter against the floor. "What?" Maura's concerned voice grew louder as she appeared in Jane's line of vision, holding a dripping sauce spoon.

Bass, of course, lay untouched on the opposite side of the room, contently burrowed in his shell.

"Jeez, Maur, I was kidding. I'm gonna have to get you used to my copious use of sarcasm again."

"That wasn't funny, Jane," Maura countered, looking a bit flushed as she folded her arms across her chest. "And you caused me to create quite a mess." She motioned toward the trail of sauce she had dotted across the floor.

Jane bit her lip, holding in a smile, because, damn, Maura was just as adorable as the day she had met her, and getting her wound up still appeared to be one of Jane's favorite hobbies. She missed her. Perhaps she didn't consciously think the words, but her body ached with nostalgia.

She had been reluctant to take Maura up on her offer to let her stay at her home rather that at her apartment, but the convenience of it was hard to argue against. Jane's apartment was on the fourth floor of her building, and even with an elevator, the trek would be tedious. Besides, Jenna would only be able to stay with her for a few days before returning to her own life back in Chicago, and the truth was, Jane needed much more assistance in day-to-day tasks than she would have liked to admit. Maura's one story, spacious home, with Maura gladly offering her assistance, was an arrangement that was just too practical for Jane to refuse. Because the practicality of the situation, of course, was the only reason either of them had conceived the arrangement in the first place.

But it was nice to be back here, Jane had to admit. She never really did enjoy living on her own, and the romantic nature of their past relationship put aside, Jane did feel quite at home at Maura's place. And having Maura back in her life in such a positive way certainly was a perk. She didn't dare let her mind wander to idea of something more coming from it.

But damn, even just standing there in a loose fitting blouse, a pair of slacks and her bare feet, Jane found her heart accelerating in a familiar, aching manner. Maura tried to keep her face cross, but she noticed her cheeks flush as Jane kept her gaze fixed on her.

The doorbell startled them out of their reverie.

Maura coughed, looking at the spoon in her grasp before quickly handing it off to Jane as she hurried toward the door. Jane licked the spoon to prevent further dripping, though she expected she'd be scolded once again.

Maura reappeared a moment later, their house guest following timidly behind.

"Well, hello there, Matthew," Jane smiled a bit smugly as her daughter's boyfriend entered into the living room, looking even more uncomfortable as his eyes met Jane's.

"Please, have a seat," Maura offered, looking a little startled and uneasy herself.

Matt nodded, waving quickly in Jane's direction. "I'm sorry about your accident. I hope you're feeling better."

Jane nodded icily, less than thrilled to acknowledge him.

"Jenna didn't mention you'd be coming," Maura kept her tone soft and pleasant. "So I apologize that I was not more adequately prepared for your visit."

"Oh, she doesn't know I'm here...at least not yet," he amended. "So I am sorry for barging in on you like this. It's just that she hasn't been answering my calls, and I was starting to get a little worried, you know?"

"You ever think she might need some space?" Jane countered, her words a bit acidic. Matt had not done much to redeem himself in Jane's eyes from the incident surround their first encounter.

"Jane!" Maura scolded, her glare sharp as she reprimanded Jane's behavior.

Jane looked across the room at her ex-wife, realizing that they had had very different encounters with their daughter's longterm boyfriend, thus, apparently, quite opposite opinions of the young man. Since Matt existed only in their divorced life, they had never had the opportunity to discuss their opinion of him, and it left Jane feeling a little nervous as he addressed them. Maura was supposed to be her ally, as they teamed up simultaneously to support their daughter's best interest.

"Sorry," Jane finally mumbled. "Jenna will be here soon, though if there's something unpleasant going on between you two, I'm afraid you're the one who's gonna have to be booted."

Maura's eyes found Jane's again, clearly not amused by her antics.

"Matt, I apologize," Maura muttered quickly. "You know you are more than welcome here, and I'm sure Jenna has been unintentionally negligent during the busyness of these past few days."

"Thank you, Ms. Isles," he spoke, his voice more at ease now. "And Ms. Rizzoli, I am sorry that we got off on the wrong foot and that we haven't had much of a chance to become properly acquainted ever since. I'm a big supporter of the importance of family and would love to get to know you and Ms. Isles better, but you know how Jenna is with stuff like that...not that I'm criticizing her or anything. She's wonderful, and I love her, and -"

Jane promptly cut him off. "Jeez, kid, take deep breath. I know I haven't been easy on you, but I like a guy who can stand his ground and would hope that Jenna has the sense to pick one, especially after dating you for so long. So prove me wrong about my initial assumptions of you."

Matt took in a deep breath, and Jane watched his eye flicker with a hint of confidence as he addressed her. "All right, Ms. Rizzoli, since Jenna isn't here right now, there is something I'd like to discuss with you - and Ms. Isles as well." He paused for a moment. Maura offered him an encouraging smile. Jane crossed her arms and raised an expectant eyebrow.

"I want your permission to ask your daughter to marry me."


	13. You are not alone in this

_A/N: I struggled through this chapter. It's short, but I needed to update before this got pushed even further back. I hope you guys enjoy - your feedback and enthusiasm have meant so much :)_

* * *

"We have to tell Jenna." Jane's voice was hushed, though it came out in frantic rush. She glanced toward the bathroom, trying to gage the amount of time she had left.

Maura frowned, her face contorting into an expression of panic as well, though the roots of it differed greatly from Jane's. "Jane, we're not about to ruin the most memorable moment of our daughter's life!" Jane watched her eyes dart nervously toward the bathroom as well, clamping her lips shut, though it was too late to control the volume of her voice.

"But that's the thing, Maur. I don't know Jenna's gonna view it that way…"

The bathroom door clicked open. Matt smiled pleasantly at the two as he resumed his position on the couch. Jane took a good look at him, trying to wipe away the jarring images and judgment from their first encounter. He was a nice looking boy, she concluded, as she took the time to properly seize him up. Fit and muscular, though not too broad. Tall, but not domineering. Square jaw, low eyebrows, which made his eyes look more intense than they really were. His eyes were surprisingly soft, a light hazel. They looked genuine.

It brought her comfort - made her feel less guilty. Because really, it was absolute shit that they were sitting here, having a conversation about solidifying her daughter's future, when the most impressive thing she knew about him was the size of his dick. How had it been that nearly five years had passed, and she had only met the boy who had won her daughter's heart in fleeting moments? She wanted to blame the divorce, but really, the lack of communication between her and her daughter had been years in the making. After all, she hadn't really modeled any healthy relationships for Jenna to pick up on.

She looked at the boy again. _Man, _she corrected. He was, in fact, a man, and proving himself to be a thoughtful gentleman as well. She knew his words had been backed with sincerity; she had seen it in his eyes as he had taken the confidence to plow through his request.

He was in love with her daughter.

This had reassured her for a moment. Maura had quickly voiced her approval, and Jane had somewhat reluctantly followed suit. _He loves her,_ she had repeated to herself.

But did Jenna love him?

The door clicked open a moment later.

"I think that's Jenna," Maura spoke. Her voice pooled with relief.

The kids came clamoring through the front door. Cody's voice was loud and Jenna's laugh was sharp. Jane eyes veered toward her daughter as she entered the room. Jenna was wearing a pair of leggings and a large cardigan instead of her usual fancy getup. Her hair had naturally crimped, instead of its usual product-saturated state. She looked relaxed. She looked happy.

Her smile, however, faded when she saw Matt, hunched over on the couch, his lips small and sheepish. Jane's stomach tumbled, taking on the anxiety of the situation herself.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Jane's sarcasm had returned, attempting to keep the mood light.

"What are you doing here, Matt?" Jenna's tone was grating.

Jane wished her daughter would smile again. She wished that instead of the unbearable tension radiating between the two, she could feel the love that Matt had so desperately conveyed just moments before.

"I came because I was worried about you." Matt spoke firmly, perhaps even more so than Jane had yet witnessed.

"Well, I'm fine, Matt. You knew I was here. You know I have shit to deal with. So why the hell did you feel the need to show up here unannounced?" Jenna's voice came out in a low whine. Jane could hear the tears of frustration seeping from her words.

Cody slunk away before the argument escalated. Jane stole at glance at Maura, who was fidgeting terribly, her eyes fixated on the safe haven of the kitchen. Jane gripped the wheels of her chair a little tighter, unsure if she should intervene, though she sure as hell wanted to.

"Jenna..." Matt's voice was worn, exhausted, as if he had fought this battle one to many times.

It was a strange sensation for Jane to suddenly be rooting for him instead, silently pleading for her daughter to soften the hard, bitter heart swelling inside her.

It was Jane's heart. She saw too much of herself in her daughter, and it frightened her.

Jenna's eyes landed on Jane, perhaps for a small, fleeting moment giving up her pride. Her eyes flashed with desperateness, a hint of neediness, but it lasted a fraction of a moment, as Jenna turned her head in confident defiance. "Can we continue this conversation outside, Matt?"

He nodded eagerly, practically jumping up from the couch.

Jane's stomach sank so low she was surprised it didn't tumble to the floor.

XXX

"This is a disaster."

"You're being melodramatic."

"No." Jane argued. "We should have told her."

"There was no time to tell her," Maura reminded her, crossing her legs as she scooted closer to the edge of the couch. The scent of marinara sauce hung thickly in the air, reminding Jane that they had yet to eat. "This is Jenna's choice," she further added. "It's her decision to handle this how she deems fit."

"Yeah, but she's gonna fuck this up," Jane ran a hand through her hair in aggravation, her knuckles knotting in her curls. "She's a lot like me." _Shutting out people, fearing commitment, fiercely independent, overly cruel and sarcastic, _she rattled off the list in her head.

"She's a lot like the both of us." Maura corrected. She reached out, touching Jane's hand lightly, a gentle sigh brimming on her lips.

Jane watched her fingers, as they danced lightly against her skin. She took in a heavy sigh and captured Maura's hand beneath her own.


	14. I just want to be okay

_A/N: Again, I'm sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy!_

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Jane had read the same sentence over thirty times, which had less to do with the fact that she reading an article about atypical hemolytic–uremic syndrome in the _New England Journal of Medicine_ (which she had found in reach on Maura's nightstand) and more to do with her increasing anxiety as she waited for Maura to return to the room.

She wiggled on the bed, her body stiff from the lack of movement. Her lower back ached terribly, and she missed the luxury of rolling over. The incision on her leg burned and itched terribly; she eyed the bottle of Vicodin on the dresser across the room, taunting her mercilessly. At least her pain was a good distraction, pulling her mind away from the fact that Jenna had explicitly asked for Maura and only Maura as she hobbled through the front door, sobbing so hard her words had come out in choked hiccups, a couple hours after she and Matt had stormed out of the house.

The door to the bedroom swung open at the ideal moment, as Jane had just been entertaining the idea of army crawling across the carpet. Maura's face was a little flushed and tired, but she smiled pleasantly in Jane's direction, reaching for the medicine bottle and clasping it in her grasp before she sat down on the edge of the bed by Jane's feet. "I do believe you're due for one of these," she muttered.

Jane eagerly took the bottle, popping the pill into her mouth as she swished it down with a glass of water from the nightstand. "You look like you could use one of these, too." She nodded in Maura's direction.

"Consuming another individual's prescription medication is illegal," Maura reminded her. Jane rolled her eyes, and Maura let out a tiny, unamused sigh. She kicked her shoes off, scooting further up on the bed.

"So?" Jane prodded, tossing the medical journal onto the nightstand. She wanted to talk while she was still coherent, before the Vicodin swept her into a blissful stupor.

"She's fine," Maura muttered, pressing circles with her thumb against her foot. "Rather, she will be fine. Tonight was just a lot for her to process, and while they did argue quite badly, I do not believe that it will determine the ultimate fate of her relationship," Maura reasoned.

Jane let out a small sigh. "I worry about her though, Maur," she spoke softly, reaching for Maura's free hand so naturally that she didn't think twice of it, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. Maura scooted further up on the bed. "I'm not saying Matt is 'the one,' but I'm afraid she's gonna let a lot of good things get away from her if she doesn't start letting people in."

Maura nodded. She fell back against the opposite pillow, pushing a breath of air between her teeth. "I worry because we can tell her all we'd like about everything working out for the better, but our actions speak volumes louder than our words," Maura spoke softly. "What hope is the promise of true love when all she sees is it ending in shambles?" She looked down at their hands, their fingers still intertwined.

Jane's throat felt tight. She gripped Maura's hand tighter. "It's not all on us, though." Her words held false reassurance. They had raised a fiercely independent daughter, who had not been taught to value family first as much as either of them would have liked. The weight of their mistakes pressed heavily on them now.

"She'll be okay," Maura spoke, not quite addressing Jane's remark, but they both needed to hear the words, spoken carefully, spoken with hope. Perhaps one day it would actually be okay, instead of waiting countless days in vain for the words to ring with truth. "I should go soon," Maura eventually muttered the words sleepily, though she curled a little closer into Jane's side.

"I should've taken the couch," Jane's voice was becoming incoherent in her exhaustion as well.

"Don't be ridiculous," Maura's mouth moved against Jane's shoulder. Jane let out a tiny sigh of contentment, craving the warmth of Maura's body. "You need a bed. I'm fine on the couch."

"Stay." The word escaped Jane's mouth quickly, before she had time to even consider it. She hated how desperate she suddenly sounded.

Maura let out a small breath, so incredibly close to Jane. They were so incredibly tired, so incredibly spent. So incredibly lonely.

"Jane," Maura spoke timidly. Her nose knocked lightly against Jane's neck. It shot a shiver up Jane's spine. She turned her head, locking eyes with Maura.

"Can we just pretend for a moment that it's fine for me to do this?" Maura spoke, her voice almost pained as her lips grazed Jane's chin. "That we won't have to talk about it in the morning?" She brushed her lips lightly over Jane's. Her words were so raw, so desperate to be free from regret.

Jane let out a small whimper, her body unfurling, pulsing with need. "Stay," she whispered again. Maura nodded, pressing her lips against Jane's neck, dappling it with small, warm kisses.

Jane's heart ached in a different way when she finally succumbed to slumber.

XXX

Jane hobbled into the kitchen the next morning, trying her crutches for the first time. She was sore and achy, but drenched in fierce hope.

Jenna sat on one of the barstools, a cup of coffee steaming in her grasp. Her face was puffy and blotchy, and she had cried her mascara into a pool beneath her eyes.

Jane maneuvered her body into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, letting out a heavy sigh. "Hey, baby girl," Jane muttered, her voice still a little hoarse with slumber.

Jenna turned slowly, looking sullen and tiny. "Mama," she spoke the word, so small and heartbreaking. It had been years since she had called Jane that. "I fucked up."

"We all fuck up sometimes," Jane reminded her solemnly, searching for her eyes. "But that doesn't mean that we don't get second chances." Jenna looked skeptical. "Look, I know that as parents we feed you so much bullshit sometimes, and that everything that comes out of our mouths sounds painfully cliche, but things really do have a way of getting better, especially if you're willing to believe they will."

Jenna nodded, looking morosely at her coffee again. She edged her gaze up from the brim of her cup eventually, looking shyly up at Jane. "Mom stayed in with you last night, didn't she?"

Jane chewed on her lower lip.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came out to see if she was still awake, but I didn't see her on the couch," Jenna continued.

Jane still said nothing, though her heart pounded a little more intensely.

"I used to pretend that it didn't bother me, that you guys were getting a divorce, you know," Jenna continued on when it was clear that Jane was going to leave Jenna's speculations unconfirmed. "I was twenty-two, independent, eager to, well, finally free myself from all your shit. So why should it matter that you guys didn't want to be together anymore? Why should it matter, because it wasn't supposed to affect me." She paused, swiveling in her chair. Her voice was small as she continued, "But sometimes, I feel so little again, and I want to come home, to the house I grew up in, and have my parents happy and content and hopeful. I just want to feel like everything is going to be okay." She stopped again, and Jane almost spoke into the silence, but Jenna picked up her thoughts before Jane could think of something appropriate to say. "But last night, when I woke up, expecting to find Mom alone on the couch, but instead realizing that she had stayed in with you - things just felt strangely right again, even though things are just a shitty mess right now. But that one little moment...and I'm sorry if it doesn't mean anything, or if I'm just making things up in my head...I don't know Ma..." She stepped down the stool, her feet padding against the ground as she approached Jane, sitting in the seat opposite of her. Jane reached for her daughter's hand, holding onto it with purpose. "I really did believe for a moment that everything was going to be alright."


End file.
